No more fear?

woodlice – what type?

I have overcome many fears in almost 30 years of living with cerebral palsy, among other things! I have almost no fear of falling, but I wouldn't say that is a fear I have conquered, more that I have learned how to fall so as not to hurt myself. This is something that can amuse, amaze or mystify others. Someone else asked me once how I'm not usually afraid of going out and about given my medical problems. Again, for the most part this is something I have always known. I've never been afraid of water, as my Mum was determined both myself and my brother would learn to swim from an early age. I have no fear of heights, as I scaled to the top a climbing wall with (help!) as a 12 year old. I have no fear of confined spaces, as I regularly have to use lifts, thanks to wheels!

I'm scratching my head to try to think of something. I still have fears, but it is hard pin them down, much less put them into words. I guess I've overcome a little bit of a fear of crawling things. It was more of a gradual thing. When I got my flat, there was woodlice crawling from one hole in the wall to another, because of the damp in the flat seeing as it was empty for 6 months. Same for snails, as they're all over the ramp leading to my flat. I even stood on one last night. I had no idea until I heard 'CRUNCH'. (RIP, snail).

I guess the biggest fear I've ever had has to do with moving house and all that entails… moving hospitals, doctors (a big deal for me) and meeting new people. Now I've been in Leeds for three years, I think if I had to move again I might not be so paralyzingly scared, as I've already done a big cross border move, from somewhere in the north east of Scotland to a few different homes here. It's taken so long to be settled. I remember being sat in my room at uni a few years ago crying my eyes out for hours because I felt so lost and afraid… feeling that followed me for a long time. I have a fear of new places and new people too. Rightly or wrongly, I worry about things I can't change. Can I get into, out of, around, through a new building, say when I went to a new church here. What will new people think of me, of my chair, of what I have to say. The list is endless. moving so far away and so often has forced me to face these things. I have met so many friends in random ways. Proof, I guess of pushing through the fear. A combination of prayer, blessing, and stubborn determination has got me through many fears others may struggle with, fears of needles, operations, all those things! Not to say I have overcome them, just that I had no option but to persevere, and continue to persevere, even when all seems hopeless, and a Saviour who was beside me in all of it, and his Word, in which it says 365 times, 'Do not fear' one for every day of the year. One day I'll listen, and finally overcome the fear, but for now, I'll have to be content with my unique mixture of perseverence, subborness, and Jesus! I have to say, I shuddered when I found the picture of the woodlice which accomanpies this post. Perhaps I haven't overcome my fear of them after all…

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2 thoughts on “No more fear?

  1. No, I wasn’t keen on the photo but really think you are so brave. I know you say you haven’t had a choice but others might not have persevered like you. Probably like you say, having Jesus with you makes all the difference. Great testimony, strong woman of God <

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