Advent 2022

Quietly waiting

I’ve lived in an institution for 6 years now. Made my peace with it the majority of the time in a, “I know this is where I need to be” way, given my various diagnoses, known and unknown and my fluctuating level of medical need. I’m still independent spirited, but do spend a lot of time waiting for all sorts of things.

Be that medication, meals, assistance from staff with all manner of things,  waiting for phone calls or on hold, letters, the pharmacy. This doesn’t include all the time sitting still ish, or lying in bed. I like to think waiting is something I’ve become practised at, patiently, though like most people, there are times waiting is frustrating or down right hard.

If I waited to feel rested for example, that almost never happens. This is when I need to remind myself that there’s good things to wait for too. Advent, Christmas jumper/t-shirt day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, a meal with immediate family. Not sure what else to add to the list, but there’ll be more.

It seems like most days now it is hard to be among other residents given escalating behaviours. Waiting for these to be dealt with, much less change, it one of the very hardest things. Praying for change is a very positive action, though obviously waiting for it is hard.

Not just praying for change, but praying that Emmanuel, God with us, would make Himself known in this place of anger, resentment, lashing out, and more.Praying and waiting for these cycles of behaviour to improve, and for hearts to be change feels impossible much of the time. A changed place from when I moved in some 6 years ago.

Then I remember times God has moved in impossible situations in the past. Revealing Himself to flatmates at University, and to other friends at different times. Ways He has worked in my own life, and in the present, that He’s with me. How easily I forget this amazing truth. Activelywaiting for God in three persons to reveal Themselves afresh to me, to family and friends, and to all who find themselves reading this.

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