Ruth: from Refugee to Redeemed

Ruth: from Refugee to Redeemed Apologies for not posting much lately.  Had some difficult times which have made writing almost impossible. I am going to spend today working on the blog and get back to posting more regularly. Probably three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday. For now, enjoy my thoughts on Ruth! This is […]

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A lifetime of thought-life: Green-eyed monsters, faith and suffering


Yesterday’s daily prompt was poignant for me. It’s not so much intense jealousy of one person; but guarding my heart against jealousy full stop. As a Christian, I would be required to do this anyway, but for me it seems like there is more temptation to do the opposite. I wrote about thought-life for Bible Reflections last December. What I wrote then is still applicable and appropriate now.

It’s maintaining that sense of perspective that is one of my biggest pitfalls. I have the same responsibility as the next Christian to hold every thought ‘captive’ (2 Corinthians 10:5). This instruction has been near the front of my mind many times in these past four years, because it is often my fiercest battle-ground due to the nature of what I am dealing with. I am reminded that we are to ‘rejoice’ always, giving thanks in everything (Philippians 4:4-7).

Jealousy, Envy or something in-between? 

Obviously I am only human, and there are times I am jealous. Sometimes jealousy is too strong a word. I used to be envious, jealous even of people that could work. People the same age as me who already made it to Ward Sister that I would meet when I was in hospital. I would feel it keenly that they had their career and I was nowhere. I think I have come to terms more with not being able to work. It is never something that will ‘sit easily’ with me because I would dearly love to be able to work.

At the moment, I can be envious of people who can move around more easily than me. To visit someone special in the summer will require a ‘military operation’ and I shall have to pay lots of money to cover my carer’s expenses, just to do something most people could do without hardly a second thought. I will do it, because they are worth it. Still, sometimes I think, ‘if I was normal, this would cost nothing’. Non-disabled, I would be able to drive my own car, and stay with said person, so far so normal… the reality is quite different. I do not yet wish to go into it, only to make clear where the potential to become envious lies.

This inability to travel easily has affected my social life before. I have not had a holiday since my brother’s wedding last year, and before that it would be about 3 yrs. Only because my wonderful parents collected me in a car on both occasions. I have to just not let myself think about those things. It is how it is, and that’s it, tough though that can be. It also means they are people I have not seen in years, like my best friend from big school, as I wouldn’t manage now to meet her halfway on my own.

‘What if…’

Sometimes people will say to me, if you didn’t have this or that, life would be easier for you. I understand why they say that. It comes from people who either spend a lot of time with me, or love me, or both. They see the hassle and distress my appliance can cause me and wish I was without it, as it would make a life-changing difference were I not to have it. It would, admittedly, also make life easier for those around me, and potentially make some of the aspects of going away easier. However, this is the situation, and to wish something was not so does not really help except to get me down, were I to really think about it. Of course, I wish life were simpler, but I saw something on Facebook that really helped, from my friend Wendy, a fellow blogger, who quoted something from Ann Voskamp: “Hard places give us the gift of intimately knowing God in ways that would never be possible in our comfort zones.” Whether you believe in God or not, the sentiment is true, that we learn more when we are pushed outside of our comfort zones than if we just bumble or drift along. There is though, always, the temptation to envy. This or that one has more money, can afford to go on holiday, can work, is healthy, is engaged…. This is why always, I should watch for my attitude and keep the right perspective. There are many good things I do have. Parents who love me, wider family who also loves me and some of whom travelled hundreds of miles to my birthday party last month, wonderful friends who form a vital part of a crucial support network, and someone special though early days. The less said of that, the better! I am privileged God has given me a little house I can get around with my wheelchair and good enough adaptions I can access as much of it by myself as possible. As councils become increasingly cash strapped, housing like mine though rare, will become ever more impossible for those that need them to find. This is something I am extremely thankful for. Out of these blessings comes a responsibility to share what I have. The more I give to others, because I have been given much, the more I feel fulfilled, and less tempted to want what I do not have, or cannot do. It is a constant checking of my attitude and my thoughts; at which I know I need to work at, as do we all. There, at least, I am ‘normal’!!



Today’s daily prompt is as follows:

Your home is on fire. Grab five items (assume all people and animals are safe). What did you grab? 

This is a poignant one for me because a friend had to move out of they’re house a few months ago due to a fire in the downstairs part of the house. That and the fire station at the top of the estate is closing down. Oh, And I once set the grill on fire as I couldn’t retieve the toast quick enough! I managed to put that out myself, fortunately.

As soon as I started to think about what I would grab my emotions started fighting with my emerging practical side! I decided… wheelchair charger (for obvoius reasons,) handbag (is this cheating?! Either the fleece blanket from the end of the bed or my dressing gown, as either is equally comforting and both were presents from this christmas or last. Two left… bible, rather than kindle, and one more… phone charger probably!

No sentimental items for me, as I don’t take a lot of photos, and so don’t have much on the walls, some pictures and a calendar  none particularly sentimental, and no photo albums. I’d have to leave tatty behind, though he could fit in my pocket. ‘Tatty’ is a small teddy bear from a carer, who is amazing, and lovely and beautiful and has now left to go travelling. Oh dear, the list is growing, think I’ve missed the point of the prompt, somehow. Okay, over to you, what 5 items would you grab and why?

A beautiful way…

I didn’t have any trouble thinking of a title for today’s daily post. It is something I have often heard talked about in interviews on TV; sometimes the presenters ask the interviewees what they’re favorite songs are, or which songs have inspired them, in the case of musical artists. Today’s challenge was to think of a song and use it as the title for a post.

To anyone who has met me, or read even a couple of my posts, I think it will be easy to understand why I picked this song. At the risk of making this post too ‘Jesus-i-fied’ it’s about being so full of joy and strength that personal circumstances become unimportant, priorities change, and the person has a Godly character. It makes me think of a few different Bible verses too, but particularly this one…

We now have this light shining in our hearts,[Jesus] but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. [because we couldn’t do it in our own strength]. 2 Corinthians 4: 7 

The other, shorter one which is a bit easier to understand is this:

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 1:31

Putting it in a simpler way, it’s like being able to not talk about personal things and just got on with living a full life. Its something I’m still aiming for…

“beautiful Way” by All Star United