Month: August 2013

baking, writing, and banana loaf!!

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The daily prompt from the 17/08/10:

Scribble down the first ten words that come to mind.

baking, hoovering, cleaning, ironing. shopping, money, benefits, banana loaf, writing.

Pick three of them as your blog title. Now write!!

My ‘ten words’ are my rather hotch-potch to-do list for Friday, just gone. Not being very together in recent days due to a medication increase, I have to be kind to myself and take things one day at a time, while sleeping lots and trying to handle whatever the day throws at me. It’s fitting that there was a ‘daily prompt’ to match my mood.

I love baking. It is a hobby that lifts my mood, however I am feeling, and there is something delicious to eat at the end of it. It also makes me feel ‘normal’, connects me to the side of the family who bakes, and uses leftovers! What’s not to love?!

On Friday, I made banana loaf, which I have made many times before. It is one of the foods on my ‘snack list’ from my dietician. I adapt it to have half wholemeal, half white flour in and use buttermilk to give it a unique taste. I do follow a recipe to make it though. Today I made soda bread and rock cakes with cranberries instead of raisins, and half a teaspoon of jam in the middle.

I was supposed to do lots of writing to do this weekend, as I think I explained in my previous post. Firstly this blog post, a competition entry for Tearfund’s magazine, a testimony piece, and a blog post for ‘Big Bible’.  Instead, I did lots of sleeping. I wish I could say I felt better for it, but this morning, it took me  a long time to wake up and every part of my body ached. Over the course of the day, it has eased a little, meaning I can get on with the writing, but I may just eat a couple of jammy buns to ease the rest of the aches and pains, and keep me on task!

One of my many skills…

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Only writing three times a week now means I have my pick of the ‘daily prompts’. This one is from the 18th, and it goes like this:

What have you been putting off doing? Why?

English: an animated clock
English: an animated clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are all sorts of things I put off doing, and all sorts of reasons for it. On my ‘good’ days I get a few things done, and I have resolved to also do a couple of things on those days which I may have put off. On bad days however, my “shoulda, woulda, coulda” list just gets longer. Things that I think I can put off I do. The trouble is, not being an organised person there is no logical reason things end up on that list, even things that should only take a short time to do. Even on the good days, I never know when I will need a nap. At the moment this is a ‘good’ day, or at least a good morning. I will be exhausted by the afternoon. If I only prioritised things that really needed doing I might be more organised, but I would never get anything done that was just for me. Other days, like yesterday, I fully intended having a writing day, as horse-riding was cancelled. However, I craved company, and sat watching day-time television for several long hours.

This morning, I finally attempted a short story, which I had put off doing, as I genuinely didn’t think my efforts would be any good. The last one I wrote was more than ten years ago in my first year at university. I have other writing projects to attempt. The magazine Tear Times is running a writing competition, and their editor Peter Shaw tweeted me to let me know, and ask if I had seen it, and if I would think about entering. I was very daunted to even begin, and I at this point I have only written a very rough first draft, having forced myself to write something very late one night, having taken several days to think about the brief. I am worrying my entry will not be up to the standard of the others! This is something that plagues me and one of the reasons I put off starting a blog for so long. However, some lovely people have said some lovely things about my writing, so I am beginning to have a little more confidence with it.

I also have a 500-word testimony to write for Christian disability charity Through the Roof which I have put off as the deadline is after the one for ‘Tear Times’. I have a head start on it as I previously wrote a testimony of the same length for Christian Radio Station UCB, which was read out by Mike Rimmer as part of a section called ‘My Story’.

The big project I have really been putting off doing, however is this: For several years, various friends have suggested I write a book. The very idea terrified me. Who would want to read it? Now I have written a blog on and off for a year, and a had a not very subtle push from specific friends, I am beginning to think about it. However, old habits die-hard. I am still tempted to shrink into the background again. Even short blog posts are such an effort most days. However, others who have recently submitted first drafts, or who are currently writing them, have inspired me too. I have yet to decide what style of book it will be. This I do know; that I will write about what I know… and my faith in Jesus will also play a part. Without measures of healing throughout my life, I would not be here. I am on roughly my 7th or 8th chance at life.

While at university, particularly the first time round, my ability to procrastinate was well-known. I was the Queen of Procrastination. To my shame, I admit I submitted some essays late which horrifies me now.A friend once bought me a ‘little book of procrastination!  Were I to start over, I would want to do things completely differently. I would always start each year, or even each semester with that intention, and every semester I would fail spectacularly. Ill health had a part to play in this, as this was round the time hospital admissions began. I was also starting to struggle with my mobility and be in more pain, and it was three years before I sought help from a learning assistant for things like typing, accessing the library and so on. I didn’t think my disability was ‘bad enough’. I did not want to admit to myself how much I was struggling. However, I began to have panic attacks. Eventually I gave in and accepted some help, however, it did not really help with my lack of organisation. Even during my Masters degree I had all the same struggles, despite best intentions to the contrary. Ill health also had a part to play as I got poisoning which put me in isolation in hospital, and exhausted me for months.

However, none of this ever sat easily with me. I read a bible study about procrastination very recently which said Christians have no excuse for putting things off. Even though I know this, it still has a hold over me. Whenever I do manage to complete a ‘To-Do list, or even the majority of one, I do feel a sense of achievement. Failures from the past still haunt me. I think “I managed so and so, but I didn’t manage this, that or the other…”. I have started to use the ‘schedule’ feature on WordPress, so I can write posts one day, but they are not available to you until a couple of days after that.

I hope one day, to  conquer this bad habit of mine, with Jesus help. Until then, however, i will still have my “shoulda woulda, coulda” list. As for when you can expect the book, your guess is as good as mine. You do have my word I will start on the book soon, though just remembered a monthly writing commitment…! Will I ever beat procrastination?!

The stuff of nightmares…

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Photo by Michelle Weber.

The bright colours of the playground are at odds with this little girls mood. She shouldn’t know how to think this deeply this young. Weighed down with care, she has few friends. The green creature is the stuff of her nightmares. She knows nothing of Pinocchio, a friendlier creature with a similar length of nose. She should bounce with Tigger, and eat honey with Pooh, but no-one will read her the story.

This little girl used to dream of a better life. What it might feel like to have a mommy and daddy who loved her, read her stories and played with her. Instead, some days she has to scavenge for food. She does her best to hide, not wanting anyone to notice her for fear of what will happen if her momma is in one of her moods. There are no scars on her face or her arms as they would be noticed by others, and then they would know. She is waiting for her momma to come out of the building next to the roundabout. She would rather sit there forever and not go home with her momma, but go home she must. Maybe one day, she will escape the horror, and the pain, but what if someone never notices her?

What if someone does notice the little girls withdrawal, and the heaviness on her heart, and raises the alarm? Maybe then she will find a family who loves her, plays with her, and feeds her home cooked meals. Maybe then she will learn how to dream again, but we will never know.

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I wrote this (very) short story for the Weekly Writing Challenge. I was to write a story based on the picture above. It was my first attempt at a proper story in a very long time! I am sure you can do better! I would love to read it!

 

Mirror, Mirror (2)

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Mirror, or vintage iPad (thanks obni)
Mirror (Photo credit: christing-O-)

A comment left underneath the post I wrote about Standing Out Sitting Down said how insightful the post was, which has given me some confidence to attempt this prompt from the 14th August:

Think of your blog as a mirror: what does it reveal? Consider your blog name, theme choice, design, bio, posts… what does every element tell you about yourself?

The title, ‘sat n all that’ was actually thought of by someone else. One of the carers, actually who I don’t see now but they used to have loads of shifts with me. The blog started as a project to take my mind off things round the time I was struggling to adjust to changes in my circumstances, and to give me another purpose to my day. I find it a little easier to think of titles now, but found it impossible in the beginning. The title started off as ‘I may be sat, but I’m all that’, but I felt it wasn’t snappy enough, and wanted to write about more than just being sat in a chair, or only about disability issues. After all, my life is more than these things. My life is not nearly as varied as I would like; ‘special someone’ is no longer on the scene, I am unable to work, and I’ve even had to cut down on the blogging, to keep up with it. However, I have amazing friends, a great church family, and have more interests now, so do still have variety of people of things important to me to write about.

The design started as something else, though I can’t think what it was now. When choosing a theme, I wasn’t really bothered about the aesthetics. I wanted something clear and easy to read, so as wide a range of people could get access to it as possible. As ‘barrier-free’ as it could be without designing a site myself from scratch, as a few friends use screen reading software, and I wanted anyone who read it to be able to get access to it on whatever device they use to  surf the web. That says a lot about me, really. I’m an open, friendly person, and I find a lot of purpose in reaching out to others, in whatever small way. Plus, a lot of disability access is  an afterthought, and not from the outset, and I wanted to think about it from the beginning.

The theme is trickier. I like the idea of being a ‘niche’ blogger, and I guess I am in some ways as I write about disability, or faith, or more often, disability AND faith, together. Both are integral to my life, and intertwined in many ways. My faith in Jesus is central to helping me cope with my challenges, and my challenges deepen my faith. I didn’t want to write narrowly on just one theme, as I lacked the confidence to think I could come up with posts easily enough on just one theme… plus, as I say, I couldn’t really separate the two, so I am much happier with a ‘hybrid’ blog. I think, now the blog is a year old, and though there have been stretches of about a month at a time where I have written little, I am more comfortable with the themes I write about these days.

If you look at the ‘tag cloud’ to the right of a post, the topics I write about most are in bigger letter than subjects I write about less often. At this time, the topic in the largest lettering of all is ‘disability’. I am not entirely comfortable with that, as there are so many bloggers out there with a disability, people who have campaigned for years, advocated for others, been active in politics, and really know their stuff. I feel so intimidated by that because I worry so much that their writing on disability issues is so much more informed than mine, and what right have I to write about it so often when any of them can do a better job?

This is partly a complete lack of confidence, and a desire that if I bother to write at all I want to write informed, quality content; otherwise, what is the point? I guess it is partly about perspective too. It sounds idiotic to point this out, but obviously no two people who live with a disability will have the same views even, on their disability, so it stands to reason both will be able to offer different perspectives. I find it absolutely unbelievable that my most popular posts have been disability related.

The first post to which substantially more people read, and the first shared more widely, was one I wrote at the end of last year, about David Cameron’s speech at 2012’s Party Conference. Specifically, focussing on two little words he used: ‘Compassionate Conservatism. Now, a complete oxymoron…!! This particular post was also (he claims!) read by my MP, – WOW! My most popular post ever, I wrote very recently, about not being able to work, and trying to address the popular thought that if some severely disabled people can work, then why can’t every disabled person do likewise. To my amazement, this post was shared around upwards of 100 times, and has been viewed 400-500 times, at least! I’d never have thought my most popular post would be about these things, rather than something completely personal or something faith-related that I feel I know more about. I suppose I just am ‘myself’ when i write, as much as anyone can be, of course.

Another post read a lot is ‘The days that changed my increasingly complex life.‘ It was the first time I wrote about something really personal, and what I thought and felt about it too. The reaction to it really surprised me, as some people got a lot out of it. Those kind of posts seem to be the ones that really strike a chord with people; again, something that surprised me. It was reasonably natural, though tough, and painful, to write about, as I am very much a ‘heart-on-my-sleeve’ person. In some ways, the people who read this blog have shaped what I write about.

I used to answer more of the ‘daily prompts’ provided by WordPress, as i lacked the confidence, and often the inspiration, to come up with my own topics. This has got easier as time has gone on. Also, given the squeeze on welfare claimants that is about to get so much worse, the stereotypes peddled by the Government, and some sections of the media, and the ‘hot potato’ that is the Welfare State, the topics offer themselves at the moment, and it is also topics that are a big part of my life, whether I want them or not. No benefits, no money, therefore no independent life. As my Mum says, they didn’t bring me up to sit on the sofa for the rest of my life… so I really value the semblance of a life that I do have, and it gives me much more to write about than if I sat on the sofa the majority of the time!!

Five-minute Friday : Small

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I wrote the following for ‘Five Minute Friday’.

Right at this point in time, I feel small. Not small as in small child, but small as in not-very-tall, not very strong, and not very clear of mind. It is linked in with the previous entry I posted this morning. With missing someone buckets with whom there are memories… lots of fun, and laughter, private jokes and common interests. An adventure which had only got going and came to an abrupt end. For a long while only numbness, now, only pain.

Small people actually help me find my smile… little ones in the local supermarket who are gurning, until they see my chair, and watch, fascinated, trying to work out what is going on, or the little one in the chair in the street, leg stretched in front of her, her bright pink cast protecting her poorly leg, and a big smile on her face. These precious ones make me feel better, and wish I was small again, when I didn’t know grown up pain.

standing out sitting down

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Sometimes, I identify with the ‘daily prompts’ so much I just have to answer them. Yesterday’s prompt was one such time. It went like this:

When was the last time you really stood out in a crowd? Are you comfortable in that position, or do you wish you could fade into the woodwork?

The last time I stood out in a crowd, I was with ‘special someone’, who I have referred to somewhere in these pages before. Nowadays, if I am in either wheelchair, I don’t stand out so much because there are so many scooters and wheelchairs around, especially in the likes of the newest local shopping mall. Except, whenever I was out with with special someone, as you don’t often see someone in a chair holding hands with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I once saw a young woman about my age holding hands with her boyfriend. I remember her because she had exactly the same make of chair as I had previously. It struck me at the time how natural they looked. Unexpected, and yet totally ‘normal’ at the same time.

Linkware Freebie Image use it however you like...
thegoldguys.blogspot.com/ or http://www.lumaxart.com/ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That’s kind of how I felt being out and about holding hands with special someone. We must have looked really odd in the middle of the crowd, especially given my youth, as it is fair to say the majority of scooter users at least are ‘of a certain age’. It also means even my neighbours ask after them because they remember looking out of their windows and seeing us holding hands – unusual enough that they remembered. Even more people I have to tell that we are no longer an item, just increasing the pain. However, I have to say, looking back, it was the one time in my life I did not mind standing out sitting down.

Welfare State: Benefit Britain 1949

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Below is my thoughts on Channel 4’s ‘Benefits Britain’ programme, aired 12/08/13 at 9 pm. If you live in the UK, I am sure you can watch it online. Be warned, this post contains spoilers! You don’t have to have seen the programme to be able to debate the issues raised… this is currently a ‘hot potato’ about which nearly everyone has an opinion. Would love to know what happens in other countries too, when people are unable to work, for whatever reason.

I have to admit, I was rather skeptical whether Channel 4’s latest programme about the problems with the Welfare State would prove anything. This time, they went back to 1949’s rules about who should, and should not, get benefits. For television’s sake, redecorated a couple of buildings to look similar to 1949’s equivalent of Jobcentre Plus, and gave the 1949 rule-book to a couple of welfare assessors with 60 years experience between them. It was interesting how much tougher the rules were. If you had paid into the system, you got the equivalent money you would have got in 1949, which meant initially that Melvyn and Karen got money, and young Craig only got emergency money of about 7 pounds for a week.

It was interesting to see how much the assessors were allowed to meddle in people’s lives, but it did mean Melvyn got help when he was unable to cope. His brother and sister were too elderly to help, and none of the neighbours said they had any time to help him. This, I think was one of the saddest parts of the programme. If this was genuinely happening in 2013, then he could have been struggling on his own, in debt, with no-one to help. This has actually happened, where people have eventually died of loneliness and starvation because they have been unable to cope and no one has noticed. Back to Melvyn later. (I’ve been calling him ‘Norman’ in my tweets!! D’oh!)

What of Karen? Overweight, with diabetes, heart problems, arthritis, and the rest. She did not welcome the benefit assessor “‘spying'” on her, or the intrusion into her life, but it did transpire that her son did almost EVERYTHING for her. What kind of life does he have? He’s an adult with his own life to live. This kind of thing makes me very uncomfortable, even more so where younger, teenage or child carers are involved. Twitter was not kind to Karen in general, especially when her attitude was on show, and the swearing started. The medical was interesting too, as it asked her to do practical tasks which actually have a bearing on real life! Invisible disabilities were not recognised in 1949, as I expected. She was judged to be capable of ‘light’ part-time work. I’m sorry, but even I do more than Karen round the house and that’s even though I have carers to do the really difficult things. It’s wrong to compare disabilities, but I live with chronic pain, like she does. There is nothing for it but to get on with it. I was hoping the workshop type environment would help her, but she refused to do anything, instead breaking down in tears. I am glad the public have seen how being contant agony can wear someone down, as it is something which can have a profound impact on your quality of life. However, this will be lost on people because they were too busy judging her weight, and saying all she did was sit on her bottom. The last bit was true. It is very difficult to lose weight when you have mobility problems to begin with, for sure, but diabetes and so on does not have to be a disability. I know people with severe diabetes who work or have worked all their lives. I think part time work would help her self-esteem and her confidence, and give her something to focus on besides the pain.  It is true that if she were judged capable of doing some work in 2013 she would not be on full benefit, as disability activists have rightly pointed out. Pain does play absolute havoc with your ability to concentrate and all the rest of it. Karen in a vicious cycle by the looks of it, similar to myself. You are in pain and unhappy so you eat, you are unable to burn it off, so you put on more weight, then you are in more pain, so you are more unhappy and you eat more… you get the idea. She needs specialist intervention to help her manage it all and lose weight, but it’s easy to judge when you only see edited snippets of someone’s life on a television programme. However, her attitude really did not help her, and won’t help her in 2013 either.

My friend Sue Marsh (@suey2y) thinks the producer specified which kind of people s/he wanted for the programme in order to stick to conventional stereotypes. It is true that Karen’s character at least was a stereotype; but she has gone further than this and said “Showing someone bedridden told they must attend WRA (work related activity) wld have been explosive”. This may be true, but someone laid in a bed with an invisible disability would be open to the same accusations that Karen was, of faking or exaggerating the extent of the disability. Also, if Twitter did go crazy, the press would swoop, and after the 5 minutes of interest in their story the person would be dropped for no longer being interesting.  In my opinion, it is the luck of the draw who reads the medical form which describes how your disability impacts your life – I got someone who understood, and I also had lots of pages of close handwriting explaining everything. Someone also said on Twitter that each person was a stereotype: an older person forced to go into a home; a wheelchair user, and a ‘malingerer’ with invisible disabilities.

The final participant, Craig, , who has spina bifida and uses a wheelchair, was completely lovely. Initially he only got emergency help of £7 something as he has never worked. Not because he didn’t want to work. He was completely capable, but had just never been given a chance. However, he was given a training allowance similar to his benefits now, a medical, which rightly judged sedentary work to be best, and a day’s work experience in a call centre. He did brilliantly. More of that later.

The programme raised at least three interesting issues:

1. Disability quotas, introduced after the war and abolished in the 90’s once the Disability Discrimination Act came into force in 1995 forced employers to take on a certain percentage of disabled workers. If they refused, they were punished accordingly. Equally, the numbers of disabled people of working age in work was much higher, about 94 per cent compared with just over 40 per cent today. It was heartbreaking to see the likes of Craig, lovely, with a great attitude, who desperately wanted to work, unable to get even work experience in 2013. He had never worked, so had no work experience, so could not get a job, a vicious cycle he could not get out of however hard he tried. However, the 1945 system gave him more results – work experience, and a job offer, which he gladly accepted. Should ‘disability quotas’ be reintroduced into the workplace?

2. The issue I discussed in my previous post, that one system of assessment does not fit all. There was no “‘mass production'”  but instead, a completely individual, ability based approach was put in place instead. Of course, they were dealing with much smaller numbers in 1945, and mostly war-wounded or industrial industries, which is completely different to someone with multiple impairments today where it is hard to say what work is suitable if any. Of course, I would not have survived birth in any age before now, nor would most of the babies born with multiple impairments who will never be able to work. They simply would not have survived. There are debates to be had about how much intervention is too much, and what constitutes quality of life. However, that is a debate itself and for another time.

3. As was mentioned in the programme, some of the impairments which Karen had existed, but were simply not recognised. The female assessor asked at the end of the programme whether it was right that 2013’s sickness and disability recognise a wider range of impairments. People are living longer, and therefore develop more complex health needs, and the state cannot afford to keep giving out. However, where do you draw the line? I bet if you asked people on the street that each person would give a different answer. Twitter was vocal, and almost unequivocal – Karen was ‘fat’, ‘lazy’ and ‘should’ get a job. That’s putting it mildly. To give you an example, @CavanaghJess said: “Being overweight and diabetic is not disabled love. GET A JOB!!” As was pointed out on twitter, if she was ineligible for benefits they would have been taken off her, or not given in the first place, but her situation does raise difficult questions. We ignore them at our peril.

Someone on twitter did question whether Karen could work in a call centre, but she could work in an office if she had voice activated software that would answer the phone for her, and she could speak to the computer what she wanted to say and software would type. She might be eligible because of her chronic pain and arthritis, however, Access to Work, the Government Grant scheme which pays for help an equipment disabled people need in order to work no longer provides this, so it would depend on whether an employer was prepared to pay the costs. If a small business owner was faced with a choice between someone healthy, with a compliant, friendly attitude, who was prepared to work hard, or someone who needed adjustments made and potentially expensive equipment bought for them, there is no way someone like Karen would have a chance of employment.

At the end of the programme, the three guinea pigs, sorry, participants all met up and were asked by one of the assessors who they would give the benefits / allowance to if only one of them could have it. Melvyn, the pensioner said Craig was more deserving than he, despite his tough experiences in the programme. However, Craig refused. Karen then kicked off and said she had more wrong with her than Craig and therefore deserved it more. Karen and Craig both had different attitudes to their disabilities, and it really showed.

The two assessors both had questions at the end of the programme. One, questioning that there’s something really wrong with a system if it cannot provide for the most vulnerable (hear hear!!) and the other assessor questioning whether the range of conditions considered for help was too large, and questioning whether the system should keep giving handouts. Would love to know what you think!

There was a lovely moment at the end of the programme where the ‘assessors’ gave Melvyn back the watch he had pawned in order to survive (his grandfather’s) but many others have to do the same, with no one to buy it back for them.

Would love to know what you all thought of the programme, or indeed if you have any opinions on, or answers to any of the questions raised in this post 🙂 Until Friday…

 

The Welfare State: One system fits all?

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Successive Governments have wrestled with the same challenges – How to provide money and support  to those who need it, who are unable to work through no fault of their own and encourage those who can work, back to work. It sounds simple if you say it like that. This current Government seem to believe it is simple. I wholeheartedly believe they still think that the most vulnerable in our society are being looked after. There are horror stories emerging all the time, whether it be people losing their appeals, others who are under such unbearable stress from assessments or appeals that their bodies simply give up, or they are so desperate they take their own lives. You need only type ‘ATOS’ into google to see that this is the case. ATOS are the French IT company charged with deciding who is, and who is not capable of working. There are also numerous support groups on the web where those at any stage of the process can share their stories or support others. ‘ATOS miracles’ is one such Facebook group, so called because some who really cannot work are being found fit for work by ATOS, thereby a miracle has happened, or at least they’d have you believe that anyway…

Even among the numerous stories, there are some that really stand out. A teenager who has always had full entitlement to care of mobility benefits at the highest rate all through childhood, whose family now has to negotiate the adult system on their behalf, really cannot work, and will never be able to work, and yet, has to be re-assessed. On paper, it really doesn’t sound fair, to Jessica, her family or the system. A waste of their time, energy, and needless stress, and a waste of taxpayers money. Perhaps the family do not realise this yet, but reassessments will happen anyway under PIP (Personal Independence payment) every few years. This is the benefit that has replaced Disability Living Allowance, which used to compensate people for the numerous extra costs associated with disability. Believe me, being this disabled is expensive!! I used to have DLA indefinitely, in theory, for life, but this has now changed, and will be the same in this case. The theory goes that it is impossible to police the system if there is one rule for some and another rule for the rest, and yet there will be such a waste of money. In the case of Incapacity Benefit and Income Support and now Employment and Support Allowance (ESA) there used to be a solution, for the likes of Jessica, called the Youth Supplement, given to only the most disabled youngsters. However, this has now been axed, the latest loophole to seemingly go in order to streamline the system. Sounds fair, but was it? I have borrowed the explanation from my friend Sue Marsh, who despite chronic illness and acute, constant pain, campaigns tirelessly for change on behalf of sick and disabled people everywhere. You can read the rest of the post here.

It was called the “Youth Premium” It only related to children who were born so profoundly disabled that they would never work as adults. Forget your Work Capability Assessments and your Scroungers, these children would never take part in society like you or I. Many would never talk, self feed, walk, play, laugh, fall in love. But they could still lead independent lives. Because we were a society that believed they should have a right to if they chose to.The Youth Premium treated these children as though they had paid National Insurance. For a cost of just 11 million pounds, on becoming adults, these children were treated as though they had “contributed” through work and because of that, they were entitled to contributory benefits, they did not have to be means tested.Such a simple thing, but what did it mean in practise? What did it mean to the people behind the numbers? The lives being toyed with? It meant they were entitled to live independently if they chose to. They were entitled to benefits in their own name, not as a means tested part of their family. Often, such profoundly disabled children had considerable compensation to see them through lives damaged beyond recognition by accidents. This compensation was just that. Money for an expensive future of care, adaptations to homes, aids to independence. For a lifetime, this money would have to pay for support just to make their lives as manageable as society could achieve.No more. Any money would be part of the means test. They would have to run down reserves of cash or savings before the state would step in. Compensation is not income. Nor should it be. From the passing of the welfare bill, any security or savings put aside by families terrified what life would hold once parents or siblings had passed, would have to slowly seep away, leaving insecurity and hunger a shadow away before these few profoundly disabled neighbours and daughters and brothers could rely on any help or support from the state.

A bleak picture indeed. One only hopes the state is then in a position to step in. If it has to be a case of one assessment system fits all then surely it should be a case of one assessment for all support combined. Then if there has to be stress, it need only happen once. Now there are repeat assessments that doesn’t seem likely. Benefits Britain 1949 on Channel 4 tonight at 9 is looking at how we who are unable to work through illness or disability should be supported. Perhaps, finally, someone will come up with some answers.

The welfare state: If Hawking can work…

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English: NASA StarChild image of Stephen Hawking.
English: NASA StarChild image of Stephen Hawking. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Last year a majority in the British Medical Association have come out in support of disabled people, declaring the Work Capability Assessment (WCA) unfit for purpose. Additionally, after many months and much campaigning by disabled people, ATOS Origin, The French IT company given the contract to oversee self assessments and carry out face-to-face assessments, have been forced by the Department for Work and Pensions to retrain their staff. This is even after previous insistence that everything was fine and ATOS would not be fined, despite  appeals overturning the previous decision that the person concerned was fit enough to work costing £66 MILLION in 2012-13 alone!! A report published by a coalition of more than 90 Disabled People Organisations and Charities in 2012 produced a damning verdict as to the impact of assessments and cuts on disabled people. In particular:

  • Nearly 9 in 10 (87 per cent) welfare advisors said the constant re-assessments for benefits are damaging people’s health
  • 9 in 10 (90 per cent) welfare advisors said that too many disabled people are slipping through the net and are left without adequate support by the welfare system.

Mencap have also raised concerns over whether there is enough understanding of the way learning difficulties affect people, and how this impacts on a person’s ability to work.

Despite all this, GP Philip Peverley has recently claimed that: “I had considered, at one point, putting,  up a portrait of Professor Stephen Hawking in my consulting room with a caption that said, ‘This bloke is not on the sick’.” To those who are entirely unaffected by the benefit cuts, and have no reason to disbelieve the skewed headlines produced by some sections of the media, this kind of statement may well make sense, and is the kind of logic behind the Goverment’s portrayal of benefit claimants as ‘scroungers’. However, to think this, and indeed, to declare it publicly is to completely gloss over a whole host of issues which he may well know nothing about which prevent disabled people accessing work, and a host of medical issues which make work difficult, some of which I have described below, This is to say nothing of possible discrimination, access barriers including need for specialist equipment not covered by Access to Work Grant, difficulties getting to and from work, and lack of transport to get there, extra costs, pain, fatigue… the list goes on.

I admit there may be some truth in some of what he says including that some people well enough to work to everything to prove they are too ill to do so. If there weren’t there would be no need for reforms, however, the levels of fraud are not nearly as high as the Government would have you believe. However, according to the article, “A poll of 4,000 family doctors by the Department for Work and Pensions in May showed three quarters feel that – even when there is no medical need – they are obliged to issue sick notes to patients”. This may well be true, and it is not the first time I have heard a GP asking that they could opt out of assessing patients fitness for work. If not they, then who? GP’s position as ‘Gatekeepers’ to NHS services makes them ideally placed to have overview of the main issues affecting a patient and the clinics they see and services they receive. I have already established that ATOS are in no position to do this on GP’s behalf, despite Peverley’s claim that “ATOS nearly always gets it right”!! He has also failed to acknowledge that Hawking is able to to pay for costs associated with his disability in ways that the majority of disabled people can only dream of. Money means access to better care, better food, higher quality housing and a better quality of life in general. This will have a positive affect on his impairment, despite its severity. He is so intelligent he can work using his voice only and has all the support he needs, something very few disabled people can say. Journalist Sonia Poulton‘s response to this article was to post a tweet containing Peverely’s reg. number for the General Medical Council for anyone who wished to complain!!

The last time I worked was in 2004. I did the kind of office job referred to in the article. I did full time (8.30-5.00) work for 6 weeks to cover sick leave, in the summer holidays while I was a student. For two weeks, I walked to work while my parents were on holiday, or I got a lift from colleges if they passed me on the way to work. Otherwise, my Mum drove me there and back. I don’t remember if there were steps in front of the building or not. I do remember that there was a lift. This was in the days when I was still on my feet, without a walking aid, or a wheelchair, except I used a scooter in term time to negotiate university grounds. I was also on minimal medication, and no prescribed painkillers. This was the year before my diagnosis of Chron’s disease too. This is all significant, because by the afternoon, I would have severe shooting pains from my hips to tips of my toes, and often stomach cramps too. I would be so tired I would have uncontrollable giggles, and my speech would be slurred. How very professional. I struggled to concentrate to do meaningful work, and I made mistakes. I was never disciplined over it though. Clearly not capable of office work, despite this doctors claims.

What about if I were to attempt this work today? Well, before I got to work I would have to be up very early because it would take me a long time to get ready. If my carer phoned in sick, the office may not be able to cover it, as I am often the first name on the rota, and not every one can work that early. Even with care, I often have to go back to bed to sleep off the effects of a disturbed night, or the effort of getting up and organised. If I did not do this, I would be asleep at my desk. This is often the case even try to write blog posts, which is why there was no post on Wednesday this week.

What about getting to the office? I am unable to drive because the part of my brain responsible for spatial awareness is too damaged, and reaction times were so erratic in the simulator during my driving assessment the Occupational Therapist advised that I would need to use hand controls to be able to drive but that I lacked the necessary co-ordination. Getting the bus is also out of the question, as I do not have the strength to propel my annual wheelchair on my own, and my electric wheelchair is too big. Taxi it is then. However, most taxis are the wrong size or shape to fit my wheelchair, and those it will fit are in demand. Even if I can get one, there is often no space between my head and the roof off the car, causing me a head injury if it crashed. I have been in town before, and even though I have pre-booked a taxi to take me home, none will turn up. I would need a motability van, but as I can’t drive myself, I would need a PA to drive one for me, even though funding is being squeezed in every budget including Access to Work, and the list of things which can be funded is now minimal. Add in cuts to social care and the disappearance of the Independent Living Fund in 2015 and this is an impossibility. (To read about the impact of these cuts on another disabled person, click here to read an excellent piece for the Indy’s Comment is Free by Jess Thom).

Assuming I could get there, I would not consistently be able to do any work for so many reasons… My pain killing medication exhausts me, making my speech slurred, and even then it does not take away all of the pain, and I often squirm in my wheelchair due to back pain, and other pain I cannot write about in a public forum. Then you add in the times my ileostomy bag bursts (which I cannot change by myself, and the bladder spasms causing me to wet myself. Have I forgotten anything? The last time I filled in a WCA form there were at least 3 or four extra pages of close written small script explaining my disabilities and the effect these have on my day to day life, including all the equipment I need to help me. Still think I can work?

Of course, I would love to be able to work, but at the moment is something I can only dream of. One of the reasons for starting this blog was to give another purpose to my day. I have been surprised and delighted to the response from my first post for a few weeks, about childhood dreams. Before you lose the will to live, I shall go off and take my medication, as the dispenser fondly known as the UFO is making itself heard! Until next week…

When I was 10…

jacksdavie6 Comments
Dream
Dream (Photo credit: Xtream_i)

I don’t actually remember what I wanted to be when I was growing up. It took me until the age of nine to be walking unaided without any supports on my legs! At that point, I just had arch supports in my shoes, which I hated so much I refused to wear them. They did hurt my feet terribly tho!

If I remember back to playground games with my friends or ‘imaginary play’ indoors, from what I can remember most of it involved pretending to teach. I do remember filling in a long form in my final year at school which was sent of, my answers were analysed, and the careers advice they gave was that my personality and gifts were best suited to teaching. The careers adviser pointed me towards Stirling University, who at that time were the only Higher Education Institution offering the Bachelor of Education certificate alongside an ordinary arts degree. As I have blogged before, I did go on to do this course for three years. Despite giving it my all, I subsequently failed and was chucked off the course. The emotional fallout and impact on my life, and my dreams was devastating. If fact, it’s not too dramatic to say it was actually life-changing, one of five days to be so.

Fast forward about eight years, and my life has totally changed. Any childhood dreams are in tatters, as I am now unable work, and my life revolves around visits from carers, nurses, trips to hospital for appointments, home visits from specialists, and form filling. This blog, my family and friends, and my church family are the bright spots in an otherwise ‘ground hog day’ sort of existence. As  for my dreams, on good days, I still have those, though for the most part they are locked inside my heart. On bad days, I even struggle to blog or fail completely, sometimes for weeks, meaning I have to build up a following all over again. I refuse to let any of this beat me. My Jesus has promised me an ‘abundant life’, which I continue to pursue.