Write a story about yourself from the perspective of an object, thing, animal, or another person.
My first thoughts were, how great an idea it was, though slightly random. At the same time, I thought what on earth will I pick, and then I had my light-bulb moment.
If my story is good enough, you will be able to guess from whose, or what perspective it is written.
Tuesday’s daily prompt was one of the easiest I’ve ever answered. It was as follows:
Write a six-word story about what you think the future holds for you, and then expand on it in a post:
Only God knows what future holds
I find this an enormous comfort. I don’t have to strive anymore, because God’s got it sorted. I have no idea what the future holds, but He does… and he know’s what’s best.
That’s the simple truth. If I were to have a childlike faith, as I should, I should accept this and live by it without wavering. However, I am not as faithful to my father God as he is to me…! This is something I am learning over time, as I make mistakes, or try to have things my way. Were I completely disability and illness free, maybe I would have a husband and children of my own by now… or maybe not! Only God knows things like that, or whether I will ever be stable enough, and have enough support to have a job, and a career, or a husband! I am learning to develop a heart of gratitude for the many, many things I do have, from food, running water, flushing toilet and a roof over my head, a little money in the bank and money in my purse. This makes me in the richest percentage of people in the world. I think sometimes the disability lobby forget these things, though who knows what will continue to unfold with the welfare ‘reforms’. Things may well be completely different in a couple of years… or maybe not. I guess this is part of the reason it is important to trust God for the future. However, it is just as important to trust Him in the present, as I am to live for God now.
My life now also has consequences for the future; my eternal future. On Monday, I published a post about Invisible Illness Awareness week, and the scripture I quoted as helping me through the tough times is also relevant here:
Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (Col. 3: 1-4)
Scriptures like this help me keep going through the tough times. I have to admit, I am not superhuman, there are days I struggle so much with physical, emotional or spiritual pain. I am finding things tough at the moment but it helps to know that this isn’t the end though. What I do now will have a bearing on then. Just recently, the last 6 months or so at least, I didn’t see things as clearly as I do now. When things are bad I try to think of others more disabled than me or who have a particular need and pray for them, or to read a devotional by Joni Earekson Tada or a Psalm from my bible. It may be a song, or a prayer on Christian radio. It’s what Tanya Marlow called ‘the truth that comes in sideways’. (I highly recommend her post, which you can read here) I’m off to find some of that now to help me get back to sleep. I got a few hours rest before midnight but have been awake for at least 3 hours now!
p.s. I can’t remember where I read or heard this, but someone once said life is like a tapestry. We see only the picture on the front, but behind the scenes, at the back of the tapestry is the One who holds all the threads and can see the to bigger picture. One day, I will see the bigger picture too, but for now, I have to live in the present.
Hi guys! The last time I posted was the 2nd of this month, and today is now the 9th. Put it like that, it doesn’t sound so much of a gap. However, before and after that post, I have been feeling unwell. It was an odd combination of stomach cramp, which I already take medicine for, and a bad cough that my GP gave me antibiotics for as a precaution, as the cough had lingered for weeks. Thankfully, the antibiotics have made a difference, and the stomach cramp has subsided. I am still very tired, and in a vicious cycle of lots of sleep to no sleep, (or very little) and then too much sleep again. I know from experience this will sort itself out to an extent, but I am usually shattered anyway. Much of what I go through, the carers see quite a bit of it, especially the main carer. My family knows a lot, but doesn’t generally see me day to day. Some close friends know a lot, others nothing.
The only One who knows everything, is of course, Almighty God. I was reminded of this very truth this week as I was reading Day Two of Stacy Williams 21 Days to Finding Purpose in Pain, which I won a copy of after explaining some of my experiences with chronic pain underneath a guest post on pain written by Stacy herself on my friend Wendy’s website, ilovedevotionals.com. One of the verses for that day was from Genesis 16:13:
“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.’” Genesis 16:13
I got such comfort from the thought that God sees me and knows absolutely everything I am going through. That same day I read a devotional from Joni Earekson Tada talking about how parts of the Bible, especially Leviticus concentrates on the details of how to honour God, live out their faith, and keep their homes, and food hygienic and safe as possible. All the littler things, and yet God was in it all, as he is in all the smaller details of my life too. He sees the pain; physical, emotional and spiritual. He sees the day to day struggles, and also the small triumphs. For all these things, I am extremely thankful.
It was thanks to reading ‘Chronic Rants’ post on Invisible Illness Week that I first knew about it. I read her excellent post on 30 things to know about her illness, and decided to answer them myself. Parts of my illness are physical obviously, such as Cerebral Palsy (CP) and I use an electric wheelchair to get around. If you would like to know more about CP, I wrote a post for America’s National CP Awareness Week earlier this year, which you can read here. So, Invisible Illness. Why do I feel so compelled to write about something so private? Well. if you don’t know, you can’t understand, and it makes it harder for you to be there for other who have hidden things wrong with their bodies too.
30 things about my invisible illness you may not know (to have a go, the link is here)
1. The illness I live with is: Chron’s Disease, bowel resection, and chronic nerve, muscle and joint pain from walking and being semi-active for years. Oh added to that, constant fatigue from medication, sleep problems and so on. I already had Cerebral Palsy, from birth.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2005, last major op was 2008, and pain has become chronic in the last few years, steadily increasing year on year
3. But I had symptoms since: 2002 (I was 19), though lived with first, most major bowel resection since I was a few months old.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: There are two actually; being a full time electric wheelchair user, and the consequences of that, and secondly having carers in my home two to three times a day to help me.
5. Most people assume: my Cerebral Palsy is my biggest problem.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: how long it can take to wake up. I feel so ill too, never feel rested, and often have a headache and am in pain, especially back pain.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: 24 hours in A and E.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: not really a gadget, but couldn’t live without appliance on my stomach… and my wheelchair.
9. The hardest part about nights are: not sleeping, or waking up in the night in pain
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) about 10 morning, 4 or 5 both afternoon and teatime and about 8 at night, plus multi vitamin.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: think sometimes they are useful. Massage can really help, as has acupuncture, though in the case of both treatments I need someone who knows what they are doing so as not to cos me further harm or pain.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I already have both.
13. Regarding working and career: I desperately wish I had both. What career? My job is my health.
14. People would be surprised to know: I once crossed London on my own when I really, really wanted to visit a charity I care deeply about.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: how limited my life is.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: see number 14.
17. The commercials about my illness: there are no commercials about them – but adverts for painkillers annoy me – if only it was that simple. I take at least 3 different pain killers and still live in chronic pain, constantly.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: well, have always been ‘disabled’ but miss being able to walk around, however wonky that looked.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: walking
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: card making, and baking.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Ooh, I’ve never had a ‘normal’ day. I would travel to see someone I still care deeply about.
22. My illness has taught me: to begin to learn how to ‘be still’.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “what do you do all day”.
24. But I love it when people: come sit with me
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. (Col. 3: 1-4)
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Life doesn’t end, especially if you ‘only’ have a bag, you can life a normal life, As far as living with pain and fatigue goes, you can still have a life, it’s just a different kind of life.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: how priceless ‘good’ care is.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: brought me dinner, cooked it, AND washed up!!
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: that’s just it, illnesses are invisible and people need to be made aware how life altering an invisible illness can be. A lot of what I suffer, I suffer in silence, alone.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: that you care.
Pick three of them as your blog title. Now write!!
My ‘ten words’ are my rather hotch-potch to-do list for Friday, just gone. Not being very together in recent days due to a medication increase, I have to be kind to myself and take things one day at a time, while sleeping lots and trying to handle whatever the day throws at me. It’s fitting that there was a ‘daily prompt’ to match my mood.
I love baking. It is a hobby that lifts my mood, however I am feeling, and there is something delicious to eat at the end of it. It also makes me feel ‘normal’, connects me to the side of the family who bakes, and uses leftovers! What’s not to love?!
On Friday, I made banana loaf, which I have made many times before. It is one of the foods on my ‘snack list’ from my dietician. I adapt it to have half wholemeal, half white flour in and use buttermilk to give it a unique taste. I do follow a recipe to make it though. Today I made soda bread and rock cakes with cranberries instead of raisins, and half a teaspoon of jam in the middle.
I was supposed to do lots of writing to do this weekend, as I think I explained in my previous post. Firstly this blog post, a competition entry for Tearfund’s magazine, a testimony piece, and a blog post for ‘Big Bible’. Instead, I did lots of sleeping. I wish I could say I felt better for it, but this morning, it took me a long time to wake up and every part of my body ached. Over the course of the day, it has eased a little, meaning I can get on with the writing, but I may just eat a couple of jammy buns to ease the rest of the aches and pains, and keep me on task!
Only writing three times a week now means I have my pick of the ‘daily prompts’. This one is from the 18th, and it goes like this:
What have you been putting off doing? Why?
English: an animated clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There are all sorts of things I put off doing, and all sorts of reasons for it. On my ‘good’ days I get a few things done, and I have resolved to also do a couple of things on those days which I may have put off. On bad days however, my “shoulda, woulda, coulda” list just gets longer. Things that I think I can put off I do. The trouble is, not being an organised person there is no logical reason things end up on that list, even things that should only take a short time to do. Even on the good days, I never know when I will need a nap. At the moment this is a ‘good’ day, or at least a good morning. I will be exhausted by the afternoon. If I only prioritised things that really needed doing I might be more organised, but I would never get anything done that was just for me. Other days, like yesterday, I fully intended having a writing day, as horse-riding was cancelled. However, I craved company, and sat watching day-time television for several long hours.
This morning, I finally attempted a short story, which I had put off doing, as I genuinely didn’t think my efforts would be any good. The last one I wrote was more than ten years ago in my first year at university. I have other writing projects to attempt. The magazine Tear Times is running a writing competition, and their editor Peter Shaw tweeted me to let me know, and ask if I had seen it, and if I would think about entering. I was very daunted to even begin, and I at this point I have only written a very rough first draft, having forced myself to write something very late one night, having taken several days to think about the brief. I am worrying my entry will not be up to the standard of the others! This is something that plagues me and one of the reasons I put off starting a blog for so long. However, some lovely people have said some lovely things about my writing, so I am beginning to have a little more confidence with it.
I also have a 500-word testimony to write for Christian disability charity Through the Roof which I have put off as the deadline is after the one for ‘Tear Times’. I have a head start on it as I previously wrote a testimony of the same length for Christian Radio Station UCB, which was read out by Mike Rimmer as part of a section called ‘My Story’.
The big project I have really been putting off doing, however is this: For several years, various friends have suggested I write a book. The very idea terrified me. Who would want to read it? Now I have written a blog on and off for a year, and a had a not very subtle push from specific friends, I am beginning to think about it. However, old habits die-hard. I am still tempted to shrink into the background again. Even short blog posts are such an effort most days. However, others who have recently submitted first drafts, or who are currently writing them, have inspired me too. I have yet to decide what style of book it will be. This I do know; that I will write about what I know… and my faith in Jesus will also play a part. Without measures of healing throughout my life, I would not be here. I am on roughly my 7th or 8th chance at life.
While at university, particularly the first time round, my ability to procrastinate was well-known. I was the Queen of Procrastination. To my shame, I admit I submitted some essays late which horrifies me now.A friend once bought me a ‘little book of procrastination! Were I to start over, I would want to do things completely differently. I would always start each year, or even each semester with that intention, and every semester I would fail spectacularly. Ill health had a part to play in this, as this was round the time hospital admissions began. I was also starting to struggle with my mobility and be in more pain, and it was three years before I sought help from a learning assistant for things like typing, accessing the library and so on. I didn’t think my disability was ‘bad enough’. I did not want to admit to myself how much I was struggling. However, I began to have panic attacks. Eventually I gave in and accepted some help, however, it did not really help with my lack of organisation. Even during my Masters degree I had all the same struggles, despite best intentions to the contrary. Ill health also had a part to play as I got poisoning which put me in isolation in hospital, and exhausted me for months.
However, none of this ever sat easily with me. I read a bible study about procrastination very recently which said Christians have no excuse for putting things off. Even though I know this, it still has a hold over me. Whenever I do manage to complete a ‘To-Do list, or even the majority of one, I do feel a sense of achievement. Failures from the past still haunt me. I think “I managed so and so, but I didn’t manage this, that or the other…”. I have started to use the ‘schedule’ feature on WordPress, so I can write posts one day, but they are not available to you until a couple of days after that.
I hope one day, to conquer this bad habit of mine, with Jesus help. Until then, however, i will still have my “shoulda woulda, coulda” list. As for when you can expect the book, your guess is as good as mine. You do have my word I will start on the book soon, though just remembered a monthly writing commitment…! Will I ever beat procrastination?!
The bright colours of the playground are at odds with this little girls mood. She shouldn’t know how to think this deeply this young. Weighed down with care, she has few friends. The green creature is the stuff of her nightmares. She knows nothing of Pinocchio, a friendlier creature with a similar length of nose. She should bounce with Tigger, and eat honey with Pooh, but no-one will read her the story.
This little girl used to dream of a better life. What it might feel like to have a mommy and daddy who loved her, read her stories and played with her. Instead, some days she has to scavenge for food. She does her best to hide, not wanting anyone to notice her for fear of what will happen if her momma is in one of her moods. There are no scars on her face or her arms as they would be noticed by others, and then they would know. She is waiting for her momma to come out of the building next to the roundabout. She would rather sit there forever and not go home with her momma, but go home she must. Maybe one day, she will escape the horror, and the pain, but what if someone never notices her?
What if someone does notice the little girls withdrawal, and the heaviness on her heart, and raises the alarm? Maybe then she will find a family who loves her, plays with her, and feeds her home cooked meals. Maybe then she will learn how to dream again, but we will never know.
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I wrote this (very) short story for the Weekly Writing Challenge. I was to write a story based on the picture above. It was my first attempt at a proper story in a very long time! I am sure you can do better! I would love to read it!
A comment left underneath the post I wrote about Standing Out Sitting Down said how insightful the post was, which has given me some confidence to attempt this prompt from the 14th August:
Think of your blog as a mirror: what does it reveal? Consider your blog name, theme choice, design, bio, posts… what does every element tell you about yourself?
The title, ‘sat n all that’ was actually thought of by someone else. One of the carers, actually who I don’t see now but they used to have loads of shifts with me. The blog started as a project to take my mind off things round the time I was struggling to adjust to changes in my circumstances, and to give me another purpose to my day. I find it a little easier to think of titles now, but found it impossible in the beginning. The title started off as ‘I may be sat, but I’m all that’, but I felt it wasn’t snappy enough, and wanted to write about more than just being sat in a chair, or only about disability issues. After all, my life is more than these things. My life is not nearly as varied as I would like; ‘special someone’ is no longer on the scene, I am unable to work, and I’ve even had to cut down on the blogging, to keep up with it. However, I have amazing friends, a great church family, and have more interests now, so do still have variety of people of things important to me to write about.
The design started as something else, though I can’t think what it was now. When choosing a theme, I wasn’t really bothered about the aesthetics. I wanted something clear and easy to read, so as wide a range of people could get access to it as possible. As ‘barrier-free’ as it could be without designing a site myself from scratch, as a few friends use screen reading software, and I wanted anyone who read it to be able to get access to it on whatever device they use to surf the web. That says a lot about me, really. I’m an open, friendly person, and I find a lot of purpose in reaching out to others, in whatever small way. Plus, a lot of disability access is an afterthought, and not from the outset, and I wanted to think about it from the beginning.
The theme is trickier. I like the idea of being a ‘niche’ blogger, and I guess I am in some ways as I write about disability, or faith, or more often, disability AND faith, together. Both are integral to my life, and intertwined in many ways. My faith in Jesus is central to helping me cope with my challenges, and my challenges deepen my faith. I didn’t want to write narrowly on just one theme, as I lacked the confidence to think I could come up with posts easily enough on just one theme… plus, as I say, I couldn’t really separate the two, so I am much happier with a ‘hybrid’ blog. I think, now the blog is a year old, and though there have been stretches of about a month at a time where I have written little, I am more comfortable with the themes I write about these days.
If you look at the ‘tag cloud’ to the right of a post, the topics I write about most are in bigger letter than subjects I write about less often. At this time, the topic in the largest lettering of all is ‘disability’. I am not entirely comfortable with that, as there are so many bloggers out there with a disability, people who have campaigned for years, advocated for others, been active in politics, and really know their stuff. I feel so intimidated by that because I worry so much that their writing on disability issues is so much more informed than mine, and what right have I to write about it so often when any of them can do a better job?
This is partly a complete lack of confidence, and a desire that if I bother to write at all I want to write informed, quality content; otherwise, what is the point? I guess it is partly about perspective too. It sounds idiotic to point this out, but obviously no two people who live with a disability will have the same views even, on their disability, so it stands to reason both will be able to offer different perspectives. I find it absolutely unbelievable that my most popular posts have been disability related.
The first post to which substantially more people read, and the first shared more widely, was one I wrote at the end of last year, about David Cameron’s speech at 2012’s Party Conference. Specifically, focussing on two little words he used: ‘Compassionate Conservatism. Now, a complete oxymoron…!! This particular post was also (he claims!) read by my MP, – WOW! My most popular post ever, I wrote very recently, about not being able to work, and trying to address the popular thought that if some severely disabled people can work, then why can’t every disabled person do likewise. To my amazement, this post was shared around upwards of 100 times, and has been viewed 400-500 times, at least! I’d never have thought my most popular post would be about these things, rather than something completely personal or something faith-related that I feel I know more about. I suppose I just am ‘myself’ when i write, as much as anyone can be, of course.
Another post read a lot is ‘The days that changed my increasingly complex life.‘ It was the first time I wrote about something really personal, and what I thought and felt about it too. The reaction to it really surprised me, as some people got a lot out of it. Those kind of posts seem to be the ones that really strike a chord with people; again, something that surprised me. It was reasonably natural, though tough, and painful, to write about, as I am very much a ‘heart-on-my-sleeve’ person. In some ways, the people who read this blog have shaped what I write about.
I used to answer more of the ‘daily prompts’ provided by WordPress, as i lacked the confidence, and often the inspiration, to come up with my own topics. This has got easier as time has gone on. Also, given the squeeze on welfare claimants that is about to get so much worse, the stereotypes peddled by the Government, and some sections of the media, and the ‘hot potato’ that is the Welfare State, the topics offer themselves at the moment, and it is also topics that are a big part of my life, whether I want them or not. No benefits, no money, therefore no independent life. As my Mum says, they didn’t bring me up to sit on the sofa for the rest of my life… so I really value the semblance of a life that I do have, and it gives me much more to write about than if I sat on the sofa the majority of the time!!
Right at this point in time, I feel small. Not small as in small child, but small as in not-very-tall, not very strong, and not very clear of mind. It is linked in with the previous entry I posted this morning. With missing someone buckets with whom there are memories… lots of fun, and laughter, private jokes and common interests. An adventure which had only got going and came to an abrupt end. For a long while only numbness, now, only pain.
Small people actually help me find my smile… little ones in the local supermarket who are gurning, until they see my chair, and watch, fascinated, trying to work out what is going on, or the little one in the chair in the street, leg stretched in front of her, her bright pink cast protecting her poorly leg, and a big smile on her face. These precious ones make me feel better, and wish I was small again, when I didn’t know grown up pain.
Sometimes, I identify with the ‘daily prompts’ so much I just have to answer them. Yesterday’s prompt was one such time. It went like this:
When was the last time you really stood out in a crowd? Are you comfortable in that position, or do you wish you could fade into the woodwork?
The last time I stood out in a crowd, I was with ‘special someone’, who I have referred to somewhere in these pages before. Nowadays, if I am in either wheelchair, I don’t stand out so much because there are so many scooters and wheelchairs around, especially in the likes of the newest local shopping mall. Except, whenever I was out with with special someone, as you don’t often see someone in a chair holding hands with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I once saw a young woman about my age holding hands with her boyfriend. I remember her because she had exactly the same make of chair as I had previously. It struck me at the time how natural they looked. Unexpected, and yet totally ‘normal’ at the same time.
That’s kind of how I felt being out and about holding hands with special someone. We must have looked really odd in the middle of the crowd, especially given my youth, as it is fair to say the majority of scooter users at least are ‘of a certain age’. It also means even my neighbours ask after them because they remember looking out of their windows and seeing us holding hands – unusual enough that they remembered. Even more people I have to tell that we are no longer an item, just increasing the pain. However, I have to say, looking back, it was the one time in my life I did not mind standing out sitting down.
English: NASA StarChild image of Stephen Hawking. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Last year a majority in the British Medical Association have come out in support of disabled people, declaring the Work Capability Assessment (WCA) unfit for purpose. Additionally, after many months and much campaigning by disabled people, ATOS Origin, The French IT company given the contract to oversee self assessments and carry out face-to-face assessments, have been forced by the Department for Work and Pensions to retrain their staff. This is even after previous insistence that everything was fine and ATOS would not be fined, despite appeals overturning the previous decision that the person concerned was fit enough to work costing £66 MILLION in 2012-13 alone!! A report published by a coalition of more than 90 Disabled People Organisations and Charities in 2012 produced a damning verdict as to the impact of assessments and cuts on disabled people. In particular:
Nearly 9 in 10 (87 per cent) welfare advisors said the constant re-assessments for benefits are damaging people’s health
9 in 10 (90 per cent) welfare advisors said that too many disabled people are slipping through the net and are left without adequate support by the welfare system.
Mencap have also raised concerns over whether there is enough understanding of the way learning difficulties affect people, and how this impacts on a person’s ability to work.
Despite all this, GP Philip Peverley has recently claimed that: “I had considered, at one point, putting, up a portrait of Professor Stephen Hawking in my consulting room with a caption that said, ‘This bloke is not on the sick’.” To those who are entirely unaffected by the benefit cuts, and have no reason to disbelieve the skewed headlines produced by some sections of the media, this kind of statement may well make sense, and is the kind of logic behind the Goverment’s portrayal of benefit claimants as ‘scroungers’. However, to think this, and indeed, to declare it publicly is to completely gloss over a whole host of issues which he may well know nothing about which prevent disabled people accessing work, and a host of medical issues which make work difficult, some of which I have described below, This is to say nothing of possible discrimination, access barriers including need for specialist equipment not covered by Access to Work Grant, difficulties getting to and from work, and lack of transport to get there, extra costs, pain, fatigue… the list goes on.
I admit there may be some truth in some of what he says including that some people well enough to work to everything to prove they are too ill to do so. If there weren’t there would be no need for reforms, however, the levels of fraud are not nearly as high as the Government would have you believe. However, according to the article, “A poll of 4,000 family doctors by the Department for Work and Pensions in May showed three quarters feel that – even when there is no medical need – they are obliged to issue sick notes to patients”. This may well be true, and it is not the first time I have heard a GP asking that they could opt out of assessing patients fitness for work. If not they, then who? GP’s position as ‘Gatekeepers’ to NHS services makes them ideally placed to have overview of the main issues affecting a patient and the clinics they see and services they receive. I have already established that ATOS are in no position to do this on GP’s behalf, despite Peverley’s claim that “ATOS nearly always gets it right”!! He has also failed to acknowledge that Hawking is able to to pay for costs associated with his disability in ways that the majority of disabled people can only dream of. Money means access to better care, better food, higher quality housing and a better quality of life in general. This will have a positive affect on his impairment, despite its severity. He is so intelligent he can work using his voice only and has all the support he needs, something very few disabled people can say. Journalist Sonia Poulton‘s response to this article was to post a tweet containing Peverely’s reg. number for the General Medical Council for anyone who wished to complain!!
The last time I worked was in 2004. I did the kind of office job referred to in the article. I did full time (8.30-5.00) work for 6 weeks to cover sick leave, in the summer holidays while I was a student. For two weeks, I walked to work while my parents were on holiday, or I got a lift from colleges if they passed me on the way to work. Otherwise, my Mum drove me there and back. I don’t remember if there were steps in front of the building or not. I do remember that there was a lift. This was in the days when I was still on my feet, without a walking aid, or a wheelchair, except I used a scooter in term time to negotiate university grounds. I was also on minimal medication, and no prescribed painkillers. This was the year before my diagnosis of Chron’s disease too. This is all significant, because by the afternoon, I would have severe shooting pains from my hips to tips of my toes, and often stomach cramps too. I would be so tired I would have uncontrollable giggles, and my speech would be slurred. How very professional. I struggled to concentrate to do meaningful work, and I made mistakes. I was never disciplined over it though. Clearly not capable of office work, despite this doctors claims.
What about if I were to attempt this work today? Well, before I got to work I would have to be up very early because it would take me a long time to get ready. If my carer phoned in sick, the office may not be able to cover it, as I am often the first name on the rota, and not every one can work that early. Even with care, I often have to go back to bed to sleep off the effects of a disturbed night, or the effort of getting up and organised. If I did not do this, I would be asleep at my desk. This is often the case even try to write blog posts, which is why there was no post on Wednesday this week.
What about getting to the office? I am unable to drive because the part of my brain responsible for spatial awareness is too damaged, and reaction times were so erratic in the simulator during my driving assessment the Occupational Therapist advised that I would need to use hand controls to be able to drive but that I lacked the necessary co-ordination. Getting the bus is also out of the question, as I do not have the strength to propel my annual wheelchair on my own, and my electric wheelchair is too big. Taxi it is then. However, most taxis are the wrong size or shape to fit my wheelchair, and those it will fit are in demand. Even if I can get one, there is often no space between my head and the roof off the car, causing me a head injury if it crashed. I have been in town before, and even though I have pre-booked a taxi to take me home, none will turn up. I would need a motability van, but as I can’t drive myself, I would need a PA to drive one for me, even though funding is being squeezed in every budget including Access to Work, and the list of things which can be funded is now minimal. Add in cuts to social care and the disappearance of the Independent Living Fund in 2015 and this is an impossibility. (To read about the impact of these cuts on another disabled person, click here to read an excellent piece for the Indy’s Comment is Free by Jess Thom).
Assuming I could get there, I would not consistently be able to do any work for so many reasons… My pain killing medication exhausts me, making my speech slurred, and even then it does not take away all of the pain, and I often squirm in my wheelchair due to back pain, and other pain I cannot write about in a public forum. Then you add in the times my ileostomy bag bursts (which I cannot change by myself, and the bladder spasms causing me to wet myself. Have I forgotten anything? The last time I filled in a WCA form there were at least 3 or four extra pages of close written small script explaining my disabilities and the effect these have on my day to day life, including all the equipment I need to help me. Still think I can work?
Of course, I would love to be able to work, but at the moment is something I can only dream of. One of the reasons for starting this blog was to give another purpose to my day. I have been surprised and delighted to the response from my first post for a few weeks, about childhood dreams. Before you lose the will to live, I shall go off and take my medication, as the dispenser fondly known as the UFO is making itself heard! Until next week…
sat n' all that 