I do so hate all these absences from my writing. This time, it’s because I was in hospital. I am still in hospital, actually, just writing this from my room as my lovely Mum got mobile Internet sorted out. I am likely to be in for another 2 weeks at least so it is safe to say you can expect more blog posts. I do however, have to catch up with promises I made to write guest posts, and write the reflection on the Holy Spirit a minister asked for. At times if feels overwhelming, though not as much as when I was in my flat feeling shattered and wondering over it all.

It is easier to cope with things in hospital in some ways, because my parents are the ones watching my post and helping with paperwork and so on. My friends come and offer a very welcome distraction from the (sometimes) mind-numbing boredom. All I have to do is concentrate on two things; my relationship with Jesus, and getting better. Thankfully, I am getting better, though I did have entirely separate week-long stints in the High Dependency Unit after the first emergency operation and Intensive Care Unit after the second. Doctors are amazed I have come this far given what I have been through, but my Gran’s friend was right when she said God obviously still has a purpose for my life and work for me to do. After all, despite what society thinks, it is God who gives life, and God who takes it away.

I have had excellent care during this hospital stay, though it hasn’t always been easy. There have been times I have had to shout loudly to get the help I need with basic tasks such as washing and dressing, or cutting up food. People kept asking “and how do you manage at home?” Over and over, I’d say, I don’t, I have carers in three or four times a day. It reinforced negative feelings of not being good enough because I could not look after myself, which prompted me to speak up. This time I knew I had to ask for help to make my needs known. Once that happened I felt more comfortable around the ward. I did however raise the issues with an appropriate person. A bit unusual for me. I didn’t want others with multiple impairments to straggle as I had. One dept. generally focuses on their own issue to the exclusion of all else, which usually works fine, except in complex cases like mine.

 I’m on a ward again but in a side room, where nurses wear yellow aprons and purple gloves so no infection is passed from them to me or from me to them. Anyone with a cold or a bug has so far been sensible enough to stay away or keep their distance. As a friend said, anyone who visited me while ill, would likely leave me suffering with whatever they had, (as my immune system is so low) while being stuck within four walls (as I must not leave my room and mix with other patients, (again for infection risk) which would me absolutely miserable, on top of everything else – yuck!!

When I do get home, it may not be straightforward, as a different care agency will be assisting me. It was about time I moved… with everything that went on before. For now though I have to eat properly so the wound has enough calories to help it heal. (I have no skin on my tummy, because it’s just an open wound. However, the surgeon and his team have saved my life so I can’t grumble. It will heal in time. I’m off for a nap before the lovely domestic team are round with breakfast in an hour.