Month: March 2013

Esther: Right Place, Right Time!

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Esther: Right Place, Right Time! This is the link to my final Bible Study for Bible Reflections, for now. This one’s on Esther, with an excellent contribution from my friend James on the Jewish festival of Purim, which celebrates God’s delivery of His people, through Esther. It’s both interesting and entertaining and worth reading for my friend’s […]

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Why are disabled people fighting the cuts?

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Jane explains what’s at stake much better than I can. I started allowing care to be put in too lste to apply to the ILF but perhaps I would have agreed more readily had I been given a taste of the kind of independence people with ILF have had. To hsve had it, and no for it to be snatched away is Indeed cruel. Independence is expensive so no one wants to vouch for it, all they see is pound signs. Many will be reduced to the kind of kife I often have. Bored because energy or support or money is not there to di what they want to do. Please pray about ilf if you pray, and fight with us before it’s too late.

As if it were yesterday

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friends

Forget it? no chance…

This daily prompt caused me to do  some soul-searching before I found it, hidden in the murky depths. Long forgotten save for when it occasionally resurfaces, stinging my conscience, the regret welling up from within, Horrible consequences which stem from the one horrendous act. I’ve just counted up how many years it is since it happened – 18 long years. oh how I wish never happened.

I had a few best friends at primary school, one who died when we were 12, between primary school and beginning at the local comprehensive. Most of my friends were, obviously never the same after that. However, the incident of my making was the year before.  A sweet girl had made me a best friend card. I half remember it now.

Which path to take?

I was in the corridor at lunchtime, the area on the right hand side where the benches were, along with two boys. I don’t remember why. What I do remember is the taunts, telling me it wouldn’t matter if I wrote something nasty. I don’t know why I didn’t just refuse and walk away, be the better person. The toss of a coin, or the fork in the road, which path to take, left or right. Anyway, I veered right. I don’t remember how the girl saw the card, if I was so callous as to hand it to her. I don’t remember the rest of the afternoon either, except a friend of the girl running after me, threatening to thump me. Nothing less than I deserved.

Repercussions…

Next thing I remember is how I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I think I told my mum I’d done something terrible and I hated it, the tears welling. My mum isn’t huggy particularly, but I remember she just held me while I cried. I remember my mum taking me round to the girls house. I was desperate to apologise, to make everything okay, or at least as okay as it could get. The girls response the next day, that she couldn’t forgive just like that.

I don’t remember us ever really talking after that. I remember her in the comprehensive though. I caused trouble for her then, stirred the pot. I heard her slating my old headteacher who had been very good to me. Instead of deciding it was nothing to do with me and leaving well alone, I went to another girl who shared the same religion as my old headteacher, and told her what I heard so she rounded on the girl. The first girl approached me in the playground, her eyes flashing with anger, telling me she wasn’t talking about our mutual friend but the old headteacher. and running off again. Why oh why, what is it about teenage girls, most of us have to gossip about this one and that one, separate in to cliquees to keep out one and not the other, and more besides. I remember my current bestie being by my side, who stuck by me even that day, and is still my bestie now, though many years have passed and we are many miles apart, and I have moved several times since then.

What now?

I still wonder about the girl I originally hurt. Where is she now? What is she doing with her life, is she happy, does she have children, a partner. Hoping and praying she is happy. The worst thing of all was the way I brought my Saviour into disrepute, No way for a Christian to act. I have done many hundreds, perhaps thousands of bad things since, thought this one of which I have written is the biggest regret of my life. Had we staying best friends, there’s every possibility I may have led her to Jesus, transforming her life and her confidence levels for once, and pointing her to the loving Saviour, to the love she was seeking. But all of that is history. I will never know. until one day, I will search for her in heaven, hoping someone else was a far better witness of Christ than I. Until then, I feel haunted by the mistake. Forgiven by Jesus but I cannot forget. I don’t think I ever will.

For the record, this, and one or two other incidents made me always decide to be a better friend than I was that day. I have tried, as far as possible, to use it for good. I guess that’s as much as I can do. The damage is done. Erase it? Yes please!

 

Proverbs 31: Inspiring Standard or Incredible Poem

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Proverbs 31: Inspiring Standard or Incredible Poem From the series, ‘Significant Biblical Women’, here’s my latest bible study for Bible Reflections about Proverbs 31, mainly concentrating on verses 10-31. I wanted to debunk some of the myths surrounding ‘her’ story. I’d love to know what you think. If you haven’t already, check out the previous Bible […]

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An exciting collaboration

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Not one, but two!

It may sound greedy, but if my life-story were to be written by someone other that me, I can’t think of just one person who could cope with the faith stuff and the disability stuff. Apart from Joni Earekson Tada, I guess. Or at least, she’s the person most well known to me who could handle both aspects expertly. The thought only just occurred to me.

The first person I thought of yesterday though, oddly, was Jacqueline Wilson, one of the queens of children’s books here in the UK, For a good few years now, she has been writing stories about how children handle crisis or difficult starts in life, and some have been made into TV movies including ‘best friends’ and ‘dustbin baby’. The lovely thing about these movies is that in general they appeal to the whole family, regardless of age. All of this makes her the perfect person to write a children’s version of my autobiography, for both disabled and non disabled children, and I think she would bring a humour and lightheartedness to the difficult or squeamish parts of the actual autobiography. Who would make a good collaborator for the faith side though? Maybe someone like Francine Rivers, as some of her stories are fictional representations of biblical stories, but the faith side is still strong, true and shines from the page. Sorted 🙂 

 

Daily Post : If you could have any author –living or dead – write your biography, who would you choose? http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/03/11/daily-prompt-ghostwriter/

last week, musically speaking

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This morning contained a fair bit of music, between the radio breakfast show I listened to, the band practice I heard before church, and the various worship songs I attempted  to sing along with. My afternoon only contained a little bit of music,  by comparison. This evening, here’s my personal response to today’s daily prompt. All of these videos, except the 5th one, applied to each day last week in different doses. On Friday there was relief, the day on which the final video applies. I felt, through the week, as though I were searching, and that day, peace finally came, or rather, I allowed myself to be at peace. Rather than giving my burdens up and snatching them back again, that is!
 

Here’s to a new week! 🙂

With every breath…

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Today’s daily prompt:

Who’s the most important person in your life — and how would your day-to-day existence be different without them?

I am wary of repeating what I have already written on this subject, as I have already written recently both about having no significant other (yet!) and how important my Gran is to me. Then, of course, there are the/my carers. Without them, there are some days I would see no one, and other days I would struggle to get out of bed. The other people I don’t think I have mentioned are my parents. There are other posts where I may not have mentioned them, but without them, I would not have achieved what I have. Their sacrificial, unconditional love would be the envy of many.

Were I to lose either or both I would miss them with every breath. I need them in a different way that other people need their parents. In some ways I still feel quite dependent on them, being single and disabled. This also means I do not feel as grown up as I might, with a significant birthday approaching. What I do manage, at the moment, is to live independently thus far. Time, my health and the actions of local and national government may yet change things. I don’t wish to talk to much more about my parents as I do not wish to embarrass them. However, they have done much for me and continue to do so. This includes te way both of them live out their faith and the example they are to me. As I’ve said, were I to lose either of them, I would miss them with every breath, every moment of every day.

One of life’s dreamers…

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Today’s daily prompt:

The Tooth Fairy (or Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus . . .): a fun and harmless fiction, or a pointless justification for lying to children?

The tooth fairy is well remembered from my childhood, as is Santa Claus! I was eight when I asked whether he was real or not!! I still remember the conversation . As for the Easter Bunny, who needs it when Jesus is bigger than all of that?! Most of these things are a harmless part of childhood I guess, providing they’re not taken too seriously. I may no longer believe in these things but I am definitely one of life’s dreamers. It’s one of the reasons I love reading. I think if I ever had children I wouldn’t want to start these myths with them though. For me there are too many better stories, Over to you, what do you think?

 

No plurals allowed…

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Today I’ve been a clutz. Already had electrician here, fixed the light in the bathroom, and one other thing. Maybe an hour later I was back on the phone needing a repair to a drawer in the kitchen! ! I had nothing to do with it; it was my wheelchair which got too near and pulled the drawer from the hinge… not pretty! I became very tired after I tried to fix it. I began to laugh uncontrollably. Carer thought I was crazy but I laughed even more. All that laughing made me hungry. 
Kitchen Round two:

I fixed coffee and food but I didn’t have to phone to report anything again… brilliant! 

Your turn to try the daily prompt… bet you can do better!!