Tag: Health

Mirror, Mirror (2)

jacksdavieLeave a comment
Mirror, or vintage iPad (thanks obni)
Mirror (Photo credit: christing-O-)

A comment left underneath the post I wrote about Standing Out Sitting Down said how insightful the post was, which has given me some confidence to attempt this prompt from the 14th August:

Think of your blog as a mirror: what does it reveal? Consider your blog name, theme choice, design, bio, posts… what does every element tell you about yourself?

The title, ‘sat n all that’ was actually thought of by someone else. One of the carers, actually who I don’t see now but they used to have loads of shifts with me. The blog started as a project to take my mind off things round the time I was struggling to adjust to changes in my circumstances, and to give me another purpose to my day. I find it a little easier to think of titles now, but found it impossible in the beginning. The title started off as ‘I may be sat, but I’m all that’, but I felt it wasn’t snappy enough, and wanted to write about more than just being sat in a chair, or only about disability issues. After all, my life is more than these things. My life is not nearly as varied as I would like; ‘special someone’ is no longer on the scene, I am unable to work, and I’ve even had to cut down on the blogging, to keep up with it. However, I have amazing friends, a great church family, and have more interests now, so do still have variety of people of things important to me to write about.

The design started as something else, though I can’t think what it was now. When choosing a theme, I wasn’t really bothered about the aesthetics. I wanted something clear and easy to read, so as wide a range of people could get access to it as possible. As ‘barrier-free’ as it could be without designing a site myself from scratch, as a few friends use screen reading software, and I wanted anyone who read it to be able to get access to it on whatever device they use to  surf the web. That says a lot about me, really. I’m an open, friendly person, and I find a lot of purpose in reaching out to others, in whatever small way. Plus, a lot of disability access is  an afterthought, and not from the outset, and I wanted to think about it from the beginning.

The theme is trickier. I like the idea of being a ‘niche’ blogger, and I guess I am in some ways as I write about disability, or faith, or more often, disability AND faith, together. Both are integral to my life, and intertwined in many ways. My faith in Jesus is central to helping me cope with my challenges, and my challenges deepen my faith. I didn’t want to write narrowly on just one theme, as I lacked the confidence to think I could come up with posts easily enough on just one theme… plus, as I say, I couldn’t really separate the two, so I am much happier with a ‘hybrid’ blog. I think, now the blog is a year old, and though there have been stretches of about a month at a time where I have written little, I am more comfortable with the themes I write about these days.

If you look at the ‘tag cloud’ to the right of a post, the topics I write about most are in bigger letter than subjects I write about less often. At this time, the topic in the largest lettering of all is ‘disability’. I am not entirely comfortable with that, as there are so many bloggers out there with a disability, people who have campaigned for years, advocated for others, been active in politics, and really know their stuff. I feel so intimidated by that because I worry so much that their writing on disability issues is so much more informed than mine, and what right have I to write about it so often when any of them can do a better job?

This is partly a complete lack of confidence, and a desire that if I bother to write at all I want to write informed, quality content; otherwise, what is the point? I guess it is partly about perspective too. It sounds idiotic to point this out, but obviously no two people who live with a disability will have the same views even, on their disability, so it stands to reason both will be able to offer different perspectives. I find it absolutely unbelievable that my most popular posts have been disability related.

The first post to which substantially more people read, and the first shared more widely, was one I wrote at the end of last year, about David Cameron’s speech at 2012’s Party Conference. Specifically, focussing on two little words he used: ‘Compassionate Conservatism. Now, a complete oxymoron…!! This particular post was also (he claims!) read by my MP, – WOW! My most popular post ever, I wrote very recently, about not being able to work, and trying to address the popular thought that if some severely disabled people can work, then why can’t every disabled person do likewise. To my amazement, this post was shared around upwards of 100 times, and has been viewed 400-500 times, at least! I’d never have thought my most popular post would be about these things, rather than something completely personal or something faith-related that I feel I know more about. I suppose I just am ‘myself’ when i write, as much as anyone can be, of course.

Another post read a lot is ‘The days that changed my increasingly complex life.‘ It was the first time I wrote about something really personal, and what I thought and felt about it too. The reaction to it really surprised me, as some people got a lot out of it. Those kind of posts seem to be the ones that really strike a chord with people; again, something that surprised me. It was reasonably natural, though tough, and painful, to write about, as I am very much a ‘heart-on-my-sleeve’ person. In some ways, the people who read this blog have shaped what I write about.

I used to answer more of the ‘daily prompts’ provided by WordPress, as i lacked the confidence, and often the inspiration, to come up with my own topics. This has got easier as time has gone on. Also, given the squeeze on welfare claimants that is about to get so much worse, the stereotypes peddled by the Government, and some sections of the media, and the ‘hot potato’ that is the Welfare State, the topics offer themselves at the moment, and it is also topics that are a big part of my life, whether I want them or not. No benefits, no money, therefore no independent life. As my Mum says, they didn’t bring me up to sit on the sofa for the rest of my life… so I really value the semblance of a life that I do have, and it gives me much more to write about than if I sat on the sofa the majority of the time!!

When I was 10…

jacksdavie6 Comments
Dream
Dream (Photo credit: Xtream_i)

I don’t actually remember what I wanted to be when I was growing up. It took me until the age of nine to be walking unaided without any supports on my legs! At that point, I just had arch supports in my shoes, which I hated so much I refused to wear them. They did hurt my feet terribly tho!

If I remember back to playground games with my friends or ‘imaginary play’ indoors, from what I can remember most of it involved pretending to teach. I do remember filling in a long form in my final year at school which was sent of, my answers were analysed, and the careers advice they gave was that my personality and gifts were best suited to teaching. The careers adviser pointed me towards Stirling University, who at that time were the only Higher Education Institution offering the Bachelor of Education certificate alongside an ordinary arts degree. As I have blogged before, I did go on to do this course for three years. Despite giving it my all, I subsequently failed and was chucked off the course. The emotional fallout and impact on my life, and my dreams was devastating. If fact, it’s not too dramatic to say it was actually life-changing, one of five days to be so.

Fast forward about eight years, and my life has totally changed. Any childhood dreams are in tatters, as I am now unable work, and my life revolves around visits from carers, nurses, trips to hospital for appointments, home visits from specialists, and form filling. This blog, my family and friends, and my church family are the bright spots in an otherwise ‘ground hog day’ sort of existence. As  for my dreams, on good days, I still have those, though for the most part they are locked inside my heart. On bad days, I even struggle to blog or fail completely, sometimes for weeks, meaning I have to build up a following all over again. I refuse to let any of this beat me. My Jesus has promised me an ‘abundant life’, which I continue to pursue.

Another Tablet?! No thanks…

jacksdavieLeave a comment

Yesterday’s daily prompt is a simple question:

If you could get all the nutrition you needed in a day with a pill — no worrying about what to eat, no food preparation — would you do it?

Answer: NO!!

Here’s why…

  1. For starters, I take so many pills anyway that I wouldn’t want to take any more unless strictly necessary.
  2. I PROPER LOVE my food. I love choosing it, unless excessively tired, I love eating it, and I often love preparing it, again depending on how tired I am.
  3. I would miss the taste of so many things; melting chocolate, freshly baked bread, toast dripping with melting butter, roast chicken, garlic bread, most forms of desert I can think of. I could go on…!
  4. I would miss the occasion of a meal out, or a meal someone else has cooked for me as everything tastes better when you didn’t have to cook it yourself!
  5. Some years ago, I had to have a huge operation, before which the surgeon and his team were considering inserting a feeding tube as they didn’t know if i would be able to cope with food. Having had to consider it, and avoiding it, I never want to take food for granted again.
  6. I can see that, for busy people, an option of a meal replacement tablet might be highly desirable as it would optimise the rest of their time. Perhaps something like that is possible in my life-time. However, for me, it would take a way a significant part of my life. I do a lot of my socialising with coffee and a biscuit or a slice of cake in front of me, with two forks, so myself and a friend can have half each. Somehow it doesn’t feel quite so fattening that way!

Over to you:

If you could take a meal-replacement tablet, would you do it? If so, why, or why not?

 

The explanation for my absence….!!

jacksdavie1 Comment

Dear lovely followers, (should I have any left?!) If you’re reading this now, thanks for sticking with me! As you might have noticed, I haven’t been writing much over the last week or two. There is more than one reason for this, but I can only go into a couple of those here. You might remember reading about my little accident a couple of weeks ago now. I thought then I hadn’t done any lasting damage, not even to my knee, but unfortunately, I have. How long it may last, I don’t know, but the healing process may take a while. Though I live in England and have the backup from the NHS, I’ve been having to fork out (pay up!) for physiotherapy, originally for chronic pain in my back. So bad, that had I not gone private, I would have had to start being hoisted, say, from my chair to my bed, within a few months to a year, because of the severity of the pain and the level of restriction the pain caused. Fortunately, it is making a difference, but because this meant I was already regularly seeing a very good physiotherapist, I knew that if between the physio and I we could work out what the problem with my knee was, she would give me as good advice as she could. I was getting to the stage with my knee where the pain in my knee would cause my leg to collapse underneath me. An absolute nightmare for anyone with any mobility problems, never mind how someone who has mobility as poor mine is. I am still attempting to transfer front on, with the help of my zimmerframe, rather than side on with a banana board as the strength, co-ordination, and control in my arms is far from adequate for this. For those of you who know about chronic pain and/or life altering physical disability, I am sure ou can well imagine how difficult tranferring had become. Aditionally, my leg collapsing would cause my knee to spasm, which would greatly increase the pain, which would mean putting even less weight on my leg than I could all ready…!! This meant I was willing to let the physio do whatever it took to work out why I was in pain and how to help it get better. What she did have to do may well may you wince, as she had to ‘create the pain’, i.e. get me to take two or three steps so she could see it collapse, and once I was sat. prod my leg to fine out where the pain was. Yes, it was a painful as it sounds!! It turns out, I have damaged a major nerve at the back of my knee, which wraps round the side of my knee. The whole thing is badly inflamed. Apparently the nerve at the back of the knee splits into two, there is the siatic nerve, and the other one, which I cannot remember the name of! Once this was diagnosed, my lovely physio-terrorist (sorry, therapist) was able to give me advice. Advice so good, it has already helped improve my knee by decreasing the number of times it collapses, reducing the resulting spasm and increased pain. Anyone with chronic pain, or severe disability or both, will tell you things often go in a vicious cycle especially with spasms or pain. Breaking that cycle can be heinously difficult, but once you do, it can make an enormous difference. P.S. For anyone who would like to read more about the causes and effects of pain, see Health Activist, Mrs. Rants excellent blog. ————————————————————————————————————————–

I wrote the majority of the above last Wednesday, but had no time to publish the post. I am finishing this in the early hours of Monday morning, a day and a bit after early 30th birthday celebrations. My lovely friend who organised the bash asked my Dad to say a few words. I admit to having moist eyes! I may write another post explaining a little of what my Dad said that night, but he also referred to my blogging skills when listing some of the things I am now filling my life with. Apparently, I am a “Master Blogger”!! I am well and truly back. For your amusement, I have included a photograph of me at my party, which the lovely Bryony took of me.

The photo shows me at my 30th Birthday party.
I am wearing a black sash which says “Birthday Princess”, and I have a large pink badge pinned to my jacket which says “I’m thirty, pour me another”, with a picture of a wine or cocktail glass on it! I have a big smile on my face. I didn’t realise until I saw this photo that I am sat underneath one of the ceiling lights, so it looks like I have a halo above my head!!

coffee, naps, and blog posts…

jacksdavie1 Comment

Forgotten everything I’ve learned…

Today’s daily prompt really made me think, as I couldn’t remember at first the last time I learned something new. I thought back to my last period of formal study, for counselling skills qualifications, and  that was two years ago possibly, I can’t actually remember, and then I counted up the years since I began my Masters degree, and realised with some shock September will be seven years! I tried to think then. of more recent times, and couldn’t think of any new hobbies. Then the answer hit me full in the face.

Just a beginner…

I’m having to apply myself to learning how to  write. For a start, I’ve never considered myself a writer. This may seem odd, as I have the equivalent of an A in English at GCSE equivalent  and an A at A level (AS2?). Not only that, but I have a 2:1 in English Studies at degree level too. The one piece of creative writing I remember doing, I did all right. I wrote about what I knew, and managed to get s B-. I was pretty chuffed then!

Drawing Pins…

I also once wrote a poem about drawing pins for a creative writing group I was part of for a while. Let me explain. While I was at my (on-campus) university, I used a mobility scooter to get from place to place. They’re basically glorified electric wheelchairs and their use has become more controversial depending on your view. They are considered a nuisance by many people, especially if used on the pavement or holding up traffic.

When I bought the scooter, a flatmate had just broken her leg and her scooter crushed her leg. That was down to a fairly cost effective lightweight model. The scooter I chose was a much heavier less sexy more expensive model. Having borrowed another flatmate’s scooter I decided against ‘puncture proof’ solid tires. In those days, the English Studies Department used notice boards and drawing pins, meaning I often had to phone security or a friend for help with fixing the puncture. I once wrote a poem about my plight, and the ‘teeth’ of the pins, which a few in the English Studies Department remembered fondly even a few years later. I later discovered my poem was the department’s reason for the swanky, glass covered notice boards which enclosed the pins, preventing their escape– Result!!

A head start…

These being my only forays into creative writing, I took some persuading when a good friend asked me to write for her friend’s website. However, my friend persevered, and eventually persuaded me. I was delighted recently when my very first post for The Big Bible Project was among the Top Ten most shared posts last year!

I am aware I have much to learn, not only in learning how to write, but also, in learning how to study again, and build a following within the constraints of my crazy body and limited energy. Perhaps this is my priority, to learn to ‘work’ and study within my limitations, This is partly why one of my resolutions this year was focused on a post a day, to try to coax myself into cultivating good habits, and learning though practice, as Jeff Goins recommends in his book You are a Writer, so Start Acting Like One. 

I’m off to apply myself to reading proverbs 31 for next Bible Study for Bible Reflections. Watch this space…

how long have I got?!

jacksdavie2 Comments

Oh my goodness, today’s been one of those days where I haven’t got off my soap box. Spent lunchtime with a new friend waxing lyrical about the state of some parts of the Kirk and the Church, north and south, and how things can be a bad witness and all that… and about the different paths we’re walking and wheeling and where God is in it all, and before that I was on my soapbox about how various MPs, and job-seekers should spend a day with me or one of my wheelchair using friends, cos they’d soon realise the error of their ways, (that’s the hope/dream/delusion!!) 

I got home, and saw yesterday’s daily prompt and my first thought was, it’s one of the ‘I could write nothing, something, or Hundreds of words on!! 

Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?

The kind of helplessness I often feel is something I am kind of stuck with as in there’s nothing I can do with it, or about it, except learn to live with it and allow it to help mature me. I’m helpless without my six-month old phone, which has just died and death, and I can’t do anything about till Thursday  I was helpless last when uncomfotable with spasms and pain, and no re-positioning the bed would help, until I was so tired, I didnt hear the intercom at all this morning. Fortunately two friends were staying overnight and one of them let the carer in! I often feel helpless about my singleness, as I wrote a day or two ago. So far, I have no control over my singleness, my pain levels, my spasms, my mobile phone; I’d love to work, but don’t have a choice about that either, as I’m just too medial complicated at the moment, and off to kip as soon as this post is done. Though I may have my sixth cup of caffeine today and soldier on! 

So, as there are so many things I feel helpless over, or not it control of, when I can stay calm, how do I do it?? well, as you can see, I love to talk, verbally or in  writing, but the main thing that helps? I remember my Lord Jesus, helpless twice, once as a wee baby, and again on the cross, and all that was for me.  

I also find things to give thanks for, for there are many of those! A saviour who loves me, and who died for me in order than my sin may not be barrier, so that I might be his. A working, customised wheelchair. Healthcare free at the point of need. Food, to the point where I had to make a resolution to lose weight, my friends, and my family. I’m sure there are more. See, starting to feel better already!

an epistolary blog post…

jacksdavie1 Comment
there's nothing quite like receiving a hand-written letter... but there's no love lost between Sleepy and Awake and Smiley...
there’s nothing quite like receiving a hand-written letter… but there’s no love lost between Sleepy and Awake and Smiley…

I’m laying aside the most awake part of myself where I post from the first person. I don’t always do that, as I sometimes link to news articles or features and write my opinions on them. Mostly though I tend to write about things that happen in my week, things that have happened in the past or things I think and feel. However, this week’s writing challenge is all to do with “shifting perspective  so I have chosen the intermediate level, to write letters from one part of myself to the other. All should become clear…

Dear Sleepy

Sometimes I like you. On those rare occasions when you show up at just the right time, and stay with me all night long, never stirring once. Then you leave, just as I’m fully refreshed and ready to face the world, round about once every month The rest of the time, you show up too often with your mates Pain-full and Migraine and I long to send u packing.

Today’s one of those middling days where I can just about cope, You sent me into dreamless sleep the minute the morning routine was over, and I only just woke up in time to get ready to go out to Social Enterprise. I stayed awake while I was there without even one yawn. Lots of giggles, stories and silliness, what’s not to love. Best of all, I got a shot on my favouite horse  For an added bonus I haven’t come home to find you’re vying for my attention.  I can feel you creeping up on me now. I am wondering when you will strike and just waiting for the crash. I’ve even eaten an extra slice of yummy sticky-sweet banana cake to keep you away (Shhh don’t tell the dietitian,she’ll be after me…)

may you stay away for a while

love awake and smiley.

Dear awake and smiley

What’s so great about being awake? Then you actually have to Do Things, and then you ignore me. Don’t worry, it will not be long before I come to torment you again. I love making you miss things. I steal whole chunks of time when you  need tobe doing Useful Things. And then when you do wake, you can’t get rid of me, because I’m still hanging around, ready to strike again at the first opportunity. I have the most fun when Pain-full and Migraine come along too. Three’s a crowd, and a crowd is enough people for a PAAARTY! Haven’t had one of those for  couple of weeks, maybe I should get planning…

I love showing up when you least expect me. I don’t like it when you plan cos it’s harder for me to show up then. I like surprises. I like those times when you just can’t rid of me, Over-time. Days and days of sleepy-ness, when I’m by your side no matter how hard you fight.

I’ve already got to you today. You were just up and ready, and then off you went back to bed. A whole hour and 15 minutes of dreamless slumber and half an hour of not-quite-awake. Now you’re wondering where I’m hiding and when I’m going to strike next. Bet you miss me…

Am off to plan that Party

love Sleepy

(P.S. would love to know what you think of this should you read it…!)

Inside Out’ (Yorks/Links) 15/10/12

jacksdavieLeave a comment

 

 

 

This post focuses on issues discussed on InsideOut (yorks & Links) If you’d like to watch the programme, click here

Who’s going to pay for care when we get old?

This is an issue I’ve covered before, especially from a personal perspective. It’s not just old people who need care, all sorts of people do, myself included. (If you’d like to read some of my experiences, follow this link.)  However, this Monday, InsideOut didn’t mention this even in passing but chose to concentrate on Older people’s mental health, and alternative provision of care. I wasn’t surprised to learn that 1 in 4 older people suffer from depression. These numbers will rise in the coming years due to the impact of financial worries and poorer health, people live longer, and so acquire more health problems. A woman called Christine Cook who suffers from depression says, “I don’t know who I am”.  She talked of losing your identity once you retire. It’s the same for people who can’t work as it is hard to carve out a life in between hospital appointments, fatigue, medication regimes, and so on. These comparisons were not made in the program, so I felt an opportunity was lost. Christine continued by saying that the things she struggles with most is loneliness, money worries and health issues — welcome to my life, too!

The combination of physical disease occurring from old age and mental health difficulties makes it hard to diagnose anxiety and depression because both can have similar physical symptoms. It’s an unknown problem which has been little understood until recent years. Other issues are things like loss of physical function. None of this is news to me, like having to find things to do with your days, or it makes you feel worse. Finding your own solutions was mentioned as well… but I’ve had to do that too, to a certain extent. Not belittling anything their case study person has been through, but none of it sounds like rockets science to me. Time will tell what kind of co-odinated approach comes out of the research and trials covered in the program.

Who will care, and who will pay?

Hartrigg Oaks is an example of care, but not as it’s been done before — a new kind of partnership which takes away responsibility from the state, but the state is hardly facing up to the challenges anyway. The community is a mixture of older people, and younger, older people! The younger people help with maintaining the gardens, and I think, doing some of the care of those who can’t manage any longer, and in so doing earn points which build up and may be used to ‘pay’ for care if and when their health deteriorates. Again it wouldn’t work for everyone, but is worth watching.

Care is a Political minefield, in terms of paying for it, according to David Blunkett. Paying for care without public money is an interesting idea, and the program covered a couple of possible options– home-shares, something called share and care. Iona, and Graham live in Iona’s home. Graham lives rent free, but gives some care, about 10 hours a week looking after the garden, doing the shopping and so forth. Neat idea!! The journalist admits it wouldn’t work for everyone, partly cos there needs to be a specific kind of bond there but it seems to work great for them! Something so niche seems to solve the problem for some people but if it’s not solving care issues for more than just a few there has to be other alternatives.

Blunkett’s talked about Partnership and joined up working; care ring and all those things… these things may sound like gobbledygook for you, but I’m thinking, why is this just focusing on elderly care? The ‘care’ crisis affects many others. CUTS — in rhetoric at least means care has to come from elsewhere but InsideOut’s research shows some interesting solutions. I look forward to seeing what will happen in the long-term but there has to be a cost-effective way of caring for more people otherwise schemes will only reach a select few and the government will end up paying for care anyway. Not even they know how they will pay for it … surely time is running out?

Related articles