Tag: family

Let’s all have a Ceilidh!!

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Do parties and crowds fill you with energy, or send you scurrying for peace and quiet?

Even before illness reared its head I was somewhat apathetic about parties. Unable to dance well, and struggling to make myself heard I usually much prefer the quiet night in. Especially now, when I am often in bed for eight o’clock due to care times, a late night is often even more of a struggle. I am sure I sound like the original party pooper!

I love meals with friends whether I cook or they do. Informal dinner parties I guess. My very favorite kind of party is a Ceilidh, or Scottish country dancing. I used to know all the steps as I used to go to one every term at university.  As my pain increased and mobility deteriorated it is one of the things I am most sad about having lost the ability to do. There’s lots to watch though: who is dancing with who;  who has just made an idiot of themselves;  and the music is fun to clap along to. Of course, there are often plenty folk not dancing but good luck making yourself heard above the music!  One of these things you love or hate but fortunately most I know love them, though less so on this side of the border. Ceilidhs are a great leveler as everyone can join in whether you’re a dancer or not, adults, children, all nationalities. I guess that’s one of the things I love most about them. See, all this talk of ceilidhs is making me feel less ill already. I have some of the music on my ipod so I’m off to play it!

With every breath…

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Today’s daily prompt:

Who’s the most important person in your life — and how would your day-to-day existence be different without them?

I am wary of repeating what I have already written on this subject, as I have already written recently both about having no significant other (yet!) and how important my Gran is to me. Then, of course, there are the/my carers. Without them, there are some days I would see no one, and other days I would struggle to get out of bed. The other people I don’t think I have mentioned are my parents. There are other posts where I may not have mentioned them, but without them, I would not have achieved what I have. Their sacrificial, unconditional love would be the envy of many.

Were I to lose either or both I would miss them with every breath. I need them in a different way that other people need their parents. In some ways I still feel quite dependent on them, being single and disabled. This also means I do not feel as grown up as I might, with a significant birthday approaching. What I do manage, at the moment, is to live independently thus far. Time, my health and the actions of local and national government may yet change things. I don’t wish to talk to much more about my parents as I do not wish to embarrass them. However, they have done much for me and continue to do so. This includes te way both of them live out their faith and the example they are to me. As I’ve said, were I to lose either of them, I would miss them with every breath, every moment of every day.

My lovely Godly Gran!

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I’ve not had the energy to post in the previous few days, or else other things have taken priority. I have thought about this particular post, and I think I’m ready to write it out of my head. I love this daily prompt from the 17th asking about mentors. I am both fortunate and privileged to have had a few wise and Godly people in my life, including but not limited to my Mum, My friend who is also key-holder and tablet-overseer, among other things, and a number of friends. My Gran though has been there for me through thick and thin, as have my other grandparents, and my parents, and for that I really am Blessed with a capital ‘B’. Since my Grandfather went to be with Jesus when I was about 15, I’ve gradually got to know my Gran in a different way. One step removed from my parents, but just as reassuring  and a wonderful listener, we have had many conversations over the years, including many debates, and times when we ‘put the world to rights’.

If I have done anything which my Gran has felt is out-of-order, she will tell me straight. She has also mopped up many tears, and along with others, prayed for me every single day. I will never truly know the results of all those prayers this side of Heaven. However, times such as when I have a big fall or whatever, I have known God’s peace, and it’s never been as bad as it might have been. The same goes for day-to-day health. By rights I should have more hospital admissions and infections than I do, given my medication and so on, but I am convinced all those prayers have kept me well.

There have also been times when, choked with emotion or a breaking heart, my Gran has prayed with me over the phone, or just after the phone call has ended. Times when I have been unable to pray for myself. She has also when need by reminded me of what has gone in the past, things I’ve been though or come through, things God has brought me through or times he has provided.

The one lesson that sticks in my head, above all is that Gran has taught me to be thankful. Even in the darkest of days, to find three things to be thankful for. It is something I am still learning, but I do so know the importance of it now. I am glad for her forbearance with me in the times I have been out-of-order and the times she has spoken her mind in love. I am thankful for these times also. I guess it’s all these things put together combined with wise, Godly wisdom which makes her a kind of mentor really. Mostly, she’s Gran, and I love her to bits! I am truly thankful for her, and all that she’s taught me and all the fun times we’ve had too. Hopefully there will be many more times to come.

I’ve chosen to schedule this post on a Sunday as this is when I often specially think of her, singing praise in Church to her Lord and Saviour Jesus, whom she loves very much. Unlike me, Gran has a wonderful singing voice 🙂 I’m hoping I can visit her at some point this summer, as a visit is long overdue. Those of you who read this blog who are Christians, please can you say a prayer of Blessing for her after you’ve read this?! Thank you!

how long have I got?!

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Oh my goodness, today’s been one of those days where I haven’t got off my soap box. Spent lunchtime with a new friend waxing lyrical about the state of some parts of the Kirk and the Church, north and south, and how things can be a bad witness and all that… and about the different paths we’re walking and wheeling and where God is in it all, and before that I was on my soapbox about how various MPs, and job-seekers should spend a day with me or one of my wheelchair using friends, cos they’d soon realise the error of their ways, (that’s the hope/dream/delusion!!) 

I got home, and saw yesterday’s daily prompt and my first thought was, it’s one of the ‘I could write nothing, something, or Hundreds of words on!! 

Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?

The kind of helplessness I often feel is something I am kind of stuck with as in there’s nothing I can do with it, or about it, except learn to live with it and allow it to help mature me. I’m helpless without my six-month old phone, which has just died and death, and I can’t do anything about till Thursday  I was helpless last when uncomfotable with spasms and pain, and no re-positioning the bed would help, until I was so tired, I didnt hear the intercom at all this morning. Fortunately two friends were staying overnight and one of them let the carer in! I often feel helpless about my singleness, as I wrote a day or two ago. So far, I have no control over my singleness, my pain levels, my spasms, my mobile phone; I’d love to work, but don’t have a choice about that either, as I’m just too medial complicated at the moment, and off to kip as soon as this post is done. Though I may have my sixth cup of caffeine today and soldier on! 

So, as there are so many things I feel helpless over, or not it control of, when I can stay calm, how do I do it?? well, as you can see, I love to talk, verbally or in  writing, but the main thing that helps? I remember my Lord Jesus, helpless twice, once as a wee baby, and again on the cross, and all that was for me.  

I also find things to give thanks for, for there are many of those! A saviour who loves me, and who died for me in order than my sin may not be barrier, so that I might be his. A working, customised wheelchair. Healthcare free at the point of need. Food, to the point where I had to make a resolution to lose weight, my friends, and my family. I’m sure there are more. See, starting to feel better already!

friends, family and favourites

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oooh, this is awkward…

Today’s daily post is an awkward question to answer, as I don’t actually have a favourite person, if we’re talking ‘significant other’ as it were. I talked this over with a friend, and they say said, why didn’t I immediately say Jesus was my favourite person?  True enough, that’s what I should have said. As a Christian, I should  put Jesus first, before anyone or anything, my first love. Time I walk away is still harder than time with Him. I can answer the question a different way…

Jesus should be ‘my favourite’?

 

I know, looking back He’s enabled me to me walk through so many difficulties in the past few years. Things I’ve already written about, including failing my teaching degree, being ill and trying to pass a Master’s degree. Add to that, complicated major surgery, becoming a full-time wheelchair user, starting to need carers two-three times a day, and managing The Bag. There’s no way I’d still here without Him and I know He’s there for me every moment of every day, and in the happy moments too. In these times I’m reminded I am to rejoice in everything, and have joy even in the tough times. I’m still learning those things!

As I’ve written before, many of my friends are my favourite people, along with my parents. I still feel quite dependent on them, really. Odd, considering I live independently, and for the most part, have done since 2001,  That said, I owe everything to them, for lots of reasons, and often miss them. My Gran’s another favourite person as we’re quite close, and she’s a kind of mentor to me.

 

waiting

 

Maybe, just maybe

who else? Well… I haven’t met them yet, and they haven’t met me. That is. if there is someone, or if God has something else, something he considers better for me. These things aren’t easy to write. Traditionally, there’s a focus on family, in churches, and usually, Christians who hold similar views to me marry young. My parents try to encourage me with anecdotes of women they know who are older than me and still faithfully waiting for the person God has for them, and if they do not show up, they will not settle for less. Oh how I admire their discipline. I know I don’t want to compromise  but sometimes the temptation is great.

which is ‘better’; single or married?

 

According to some friends I’m good at being perceptive about people in their lives, but by my admission, sometimes hopeless with my own. I’m also aware, if I marry the wrong person, being with them, and coping with all my health problems would be hell. It feels like so much pressure sometimes, and a bit of a relief to stay single. Other times, I’d like the someone special… especially when I look at friends who have found ‘the one’ but at the same time, it hits me that I should keep waiting because it might be worth it eventually. I’m hyper-aware of the tendency to ‘over-share’… enough now.